Me, elsewhere: How to run a business with your partner

I wrote an article earlier in the year about running a business with your partner. Lee and I are partners in life, business and crime (crimes include the illegal downloading of Mad Men, smoking pot while backpacking in Spain and occasionally letting Archie sit on our laps while we drive down the laneway. Gangsters!). There is no way I have all the answers, but we haven't killed each other yet, so we must be doing something right.

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For some couples, working together makes perfect sense. You have complementary skillsets, share a passion and vision and you obviously like them as a person and enjoy their company. Why not build on that and start a creative business together?

If you can make it work, setting up shop with your favourite person allows the kind of freedom, flexibility and work-life balance that creative people dream about. My husband and I run a bespoke timber furniture and joinery company, which allows us the flexibility to raise our young sons together. However, it hasn’t always been smooth sailing and there has been plenty of roaring arguments negotiations to get to where we are now. Here’s our advice to keep your business and relationship on track and out of the divorce court.

Read the rest!

Some awesome things I have read. And some gushing.

Some interesting books and articles I have read. Maybe you will find them interesting/awesome too.

I have been binge-reading everything that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has ever written. She is the Nigerian writer whose TED talk (watch it) was sampled on Beyonce's 'Flawless' video. And anything endorsed by Queen Bey is obviously worthy of my time. Adichie's writing is mesmerising and raw, while also being un-putdown-able.

Speaking of heart-wrenching writing, I have just finished rereading Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things. God, that is probably one of my favourite books of all time. The prose is sweetness and light and grit and earth.

Our book club (which unintentionally seems to focus on female writers with a feminist slant) just finished Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay. It's a book of essays, which aren't always my favourite thing, and honestly I loved some essays and wasn't mad on others. She has validating and positive discussions of everything from Lena Dunham's Girls to Sweet Valley High (Elizabeth Wakefield was always my favourite) to The Help.

I also recently read Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso and unlike most of the internet, I am not a fan. Amoruso started Nasty Gal Vintage, a vintage clothing store which started on eBay and is now a huge company. I was expecting a practical business book about leadership and DIYness, and granted, there are shades of that, but most of the book reads like an extended Dolly magazine article about girlpower and dream-following and selling your homemade plasticine jewellery at markets then using the profits to buy an art deco flat in Richmond #unrealisticmuch. I am all for more women starting their own businesses and doing it their way, sticking it to the man and all that, frankly Amoruso came off as totally self-congratulatory.

And on to the articles...

This is a loooooong story about passwords, but it's surprisingly fascinating.

Slow the eff down.

When someone you love wants to kill themselves.

Once again, Bec's writing has totally slain me. This is an old post, but her words are like a punch in the face. Marriage is really freaking hard, no matter how perfect anybody makes it look. Sometimes you hate each other and sometimes you feel like you are actually speaking entirely different languages and you want to push them until they hurt. And sometimes you do.

And then there are the times when you want to crawl up into their skin and hold them forever because there isn't enough words to express how you feel when they hook their ankle around your leg in the night. And how I know that if my sons turn out to be even a quarter of the man their father is, then I have done my job as their mother.

Well, that got gushy fast. 

Enjoy the weekend

xx

Things I Feel Guilty About

I feel guilty most of the time. Someone smart once told me that only good people feel guilty, so at least I have that. The stupidest part of the whole guilt thing is how I  feel guilty if I do something... and guilty if I don't. Oxymoron, much? Or maybe just moronic. I think my lesson here is to CHILL THE EFF OUT.

1. Sending my kid to creche twice a week. 

He gets so much out of it. Socialising, how to deal with other adults telling him what to do, more interesting activities than I do at home... at yet, I still feel enormous guilt about it. Mainly because he still gets upset on creche mornings, despite being fine five minutes after he settles in. I'm sure it's harder for me than it is for him. Dude likes to make his mum suffer.

2. Looking at my phone in front of the kids.

This is probably my biggest issue. Less mindful parental attention means more demanding kids means more rebellious teenagers means more drugs on the street means we're all going to die. I HATE how much I use my phone, and even downloaded an app (Moment) which tracks how long I am on my phone everyday. I am constantly checking emails, the weather, how many steps I've taken, the weather, my emails, Instagram, how long it will take us to walk to the zoo, my emails... so freaking boring. The app sends me a popup when I've been on it too much, which is making a big difference. But still. There is work to be done here, friends.

3. Not running.

Okay, I actually don't feel that guilty about this. I started the Couch to 5k running program and LOVED it for the first three weeks... then winter came, I got cold and wussy and tired, and um, couch-bound. The only time of the day I can run is 6am, before Lee leaves for work at 7am, and DUDE, as if me running at 6am was ever going to be sustainable. Also, I think I actually hate running. So for now, I am enjoying my soft, squishy mumbod and will start again when the weather is less frigid.

4. Eating sh*t

I'm looking at you, Baker's Delight Custard Scrolls. Also, leftover birthday cake/s, hunks of camembert, and seventy zillion cups of tea with sugar a day. I only drink tea with sugar when I'm home alone (by home alone, obviously I mean with the kids here too. I dream of the day I am actually in this home ALONE.) because I am a sneaky motherfucker and if a tree falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If I have sugar in my tea on my own, is it really unhealthy? Is it? IS IT?

Do you feel guilty about stuff? But obviously not guilty enough to actually do much about it? For the love of god, tell me I am normal.

Me, elsewhere : How to hire your first employee

I wrote an article recently for the very excellent Creative Women's Circle website about hiring your first employee. We actually have a couple of guys working for the business now and while it was a very positive decision for us (I now even get to see Lee sometimes!), we had no idea how to actually hire someone. Here's my hot tips...

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So, you’ve built your business up from scratch and poured your own blood, sweat, tears and cash into it. You have more work than you can handle and are in need of help. If you’re a one-lady operation, bringing someone else into your business can be daunting, especially if you are used to doing everything yourself.

The first step is realising that you can’t do it all, which can be both a revelation and a frustration. The second step? Relinquishing control and realising that hiring the right person will save you time, money and stress!

Read the rest here!

The Dictator

I thought the Terrible Twos were kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, and if I just stayed positive and light it would not be too much of a big deal.

I was wrong.

The big one is a whirlwind of activity and intensity. He is stubborn, independent and contrary, quick to give kisses and cuddles, loves wrestling and climbing all over me, then will start punching me in the arm.

His inner world is a huge volatile ocean of emotions and thoughts and feelings, and the weather can change from happy and content to total devastation and turmoil in the amount of time it takes a Lego tower to fall down. There are some days when it's like living with a tiny, noisy lunatic dictator. He bosses me around, bosses Jed around, bosses his toys around. I have to keep reminding myself that I'M the boss, not this confident, decisive little man-child. I tell him it's time for lunch and he'll say, "Actually, no mum. Wait until I'm ready, please" like a three-foot CEO.

While we were on holiday he had a fullscale meltdown over banana glue. His banana broke in half, so I fixed it with imaginary 'Banana Glue'.

Mistake.

The high point of the resulting tantrum was me cleaning non-existent Banana Glue off the broken ends of his banana and presenting it to him to inspect. He would wail hysterically while I ran back to the kitchen to get every last bit of non-existent glue off the banana, muttering to myself "How did I get here? I am an intelligent person and THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS EFFING BANANA GLUE!"

I read something about Emphatic Limits, where you set a limit and can comfort the kid when he cracks it, but still don't give in. I think it is kind of working, maybe? At every stage of the game, I have felt waaaaay out of my league but never more than dealing with a defiant toddler. But! He is hysterically funny, and prone to random breakdancing displays on the footpath, or spontaneous "I love yous" while yanking his shorts on, or big face squeezing, eye gazing, lip smacking kisses. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and disaster and mess and joy.

x

So...it's been a while

The boys are seven months old  and two and a half now. The little guy is a sitting, eating, smiling little human being, with a personality and an opinion. The big guy is two and a half, and is an assertive, boisterous dude who makes strangers in Kmart watch him jump and doesn't like carrots because "I'm not a bunny rabbit, mum!" I am twenty-eight. I am working on liking what I like, carving out time, staying calm in the face of sleeplessness and chaos. So that is where we are.

Reading...

I have read a lot of brilliant, eye-opening writing lately, all on the Kobo (which is like a Kindle). The e-reader makes me read SO much more. I thought I would have the opposite effect, but according to the Reading Stats on the device, I have read 46 books in 335 hours in the past 12 months. That's almost a book a week, which isn't bad considering I had a baby and moved house in the past year. For 2015, I am making a commitment to read only Australian fiction. I've started early and in the past month have read The Strays by Emily Bitto, Past the Shallows by Favel Parrett, This House of Grief, The First Stone and True Stories by Helen Garner, and The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan. Reading so much of Garner's non-fiction work is what inspired me to start blogging again. Her writing slays me with its honesty, bluntness and total lack of irony or self-consciousness.

Wondering...

Part of the reason I haven't written here for a while is because I have conflicting feelings about sharing so much of my kid's lives online. There are a whole host of issues surrounding consent, identity and privacy that I'm not sure how to navigate it all... I don't know if anyone does, really. I think I will henceforth refer to the kids as A and J, and limit the amount of photos of their faces. It feels weird and curbs the flow of writing but we don't know how the online landscape will look in ten years, so for now I will be cautious.

Doing...

Enjoying summer. Having naked kids and me in a singlet, eating mangoes and peaches for lunch, rolling around hysterically on a rug in the backyard pretending to chew on little chubby thighs and grubby toes. Breathing in the bit behind J's ear that smells like almonds. Blasting the Lumineers and playing cricket in the laneway. Going to bed early and reading while sharing a Terry's Chocolate Orange with Lee. Making plans and schemes and lists for next year, our year of balance. Lee and I are both going to work part time. I am excited/scared about it, about sharing my domain of routines and dirty floors and playdates, and formalising working with my husband. It will certainly be an interesting transition - I will keep you updated.

x

Five things from the first twelve weeks

So I have had a three month blog hiatus after my little dude was born. Understandable, considering I have become the kind of person who takes several days to reply to a text, let along write a freaking blog post. The little guys take up quite a bit of time, with the feeding and yabbering and feeding and laughing and pooping and feeding and not napping. Jed is awesome and cute and funny and much, much more relaxed than his brother was at his age. The first few months with a baby are messy, chaotic and emotional, but we are slowly emerging from the bubble back into the real world. Here's some stuff I've noticed from the first three months...

• The logistics of having two kids is tricky. Do I leave Jed on the footpath while I strap Archie into the car? Or leave Archie to hold on to me while I get Jed in? Gah!
• I have to include at least 10 minutes just to get out of the house. As in, the actual act of walking from the back door to driving down the driveway. It goes like this: Manage to get both kids dressed in relatively clean clothes. Watch Archie jump off the back step six times. Carry Jed's carseat and the enormous nappy bag into the car. Tell Archie not to run on the driveway. Clip Jed's carseat in. Chase Archie across the backyard. Negotiate with him to come to the car. Wrestle him into the carseat. Settle an unhappy Jed. Start car. Go back inside to get forgotten water bottle. Realise I have the wrong pram in the boot. Take single pram out and lug the enormous double pram into the boot. Resettle Jed. Finally start moving, while singing 53745750 verses of the Wheels on the Bus.
• I am not as tired this time around. I think part of it is that I am already used to being up at 6am and going to bed early, and have gotten waaaaay more efficient with sleep. And I know the sleepless nights will eventually pass and I will miss the nighttime feedings one day. That said, Jed is currently only waking up once a night, usually at about 2am and sleeps 7-7, so I can't complain too much. Although Archie was a great sleeper until he hit four months and started waking up at least five times a night... so I'm not getting too excited.
• Breastfeeding is a bit easier the second time around. I am more comfortable flopping the boob out in public or in awkward positions (while playing cricket with Archie, for example), and got a handle on the oversupply issues more quickly. Jed feeds every three hours, and takes 3-5 minutes to feed. And he only feeds one side at a time. I know, I know. I am pretty lucky, but because he feeds so damn fast he gets super gassy. The kid is like a freaking boob vacuum.
• Two boys are ace. I'm looking forward to when they can play and wrestle and explore together. So many adventures to be had!

xx

And then there were four: Jethro's birth story

Soon after Archie was born, I wrote up the story of his birth for posterity, before the details disappeared in the fog of nappies, milk and snuggles that descends in the weeks after giving birth. I’m so glad I did it, even though the boys are both likely to be horrified at reading about their mum’s ladyparts.

Here is Jed’s story…

So I had been having really uncomfortable contractions for almost two weeks before my due date. They were becoming pretty tiresome and annoying, and three times we had the car packed ready to go before the contractions fizzled out into nothing. I was waddling up and down the driveway and heaving myself up and down the stairs to try and get things moving, but no luck. I never thought I would actually be looking forward to childbirth, but I felt totally ready and was so sick of being pregnant. I was excited to actually get into the next stage of our life!

On Wednesday 28^th I had a stretch and sweep, which is pretty much what it sounds like – my midwife gloved up and tickled the baby’s head to entice it out. Not exactly comfortable but I lost all my dignity somewhere around the time during Archie’s birth where I was screaming in the foyer of the Mercy hospital wearing a dressing gown and an eye mask. She thought that the baby would come that night, so I got excited and tried to rest as much as possible.

I woke up at about 5.30am on Thursday 29^th – my due date - busting to pee, and as I got up I felt like the baby had dropped really low. My fake contractions had ramped up and by 6.30am I was pretty sure that things were happening. It was probably the best timing ever – Archie only goes to daycare one day a week, on a Thursday. Lee was installing a big job at Werribee Zoo and I had been freaking out that I would go into labour and he would be stuck at the zoo, but he obviously stayed home once we realised that the baby would arrive soon.

Going into labour during the day was a completely different feeling to labouring at night and I was a bit worried that I would give birth during peak hour on the side of Bell Street. We called Amy, my awesome midwife and told her that things were finally happening. The contractions weren’t that painful yet and I could still talk and walk around. I was leaning over the kitchen table breathing through a big one and Archie was just chatting to me, totally oblivious. Mum took him to daycare and I told him that he would be a big brother next time I saw him.

I got in the shower for a while but the hot water ran out which was pretty bloody distressing, as a hot shower is my number one form of pain relief. Since I figured the hospital had endless hot water, we decided to go. This was about 9.30am. The car trip was crap. I was fine in between contractions, but during them it felt like I could feel every single little pebble on the road. Lee managed to strike a balance between driving like an old man and driving like a maniac to get there as fast and as smoothly as possible.

Thankfully, the hospital was open this time and I didn’t have to bang on the door while screaming. We went into the birth centre just after 10am, just as the midwife was arriving and went straight into the birthing room. I was still talking and laughing in between contractions, but they were getting more and more painful and were about five minutes apart. Amy listened to the heartbeat and poked my tummy and said that the bub was in a great position and that I would spit it out soon (her words.) I stripped off and got straight into the shower, sitting on a plastic chair wearing nothing but a shower cap. The noise of the shower cap was a good distraction from the pain of the contractions.

I hung out in the shower for about an hour and a half. It was super hot and steamy and Amy’s glasses kept fogging up. Because it was daylight and I had only been in labour for a few hours, I was much more awake and lucid than last time. Judging by the pain level and by how long Archie’s birth was, I thought I had hours and hours to go so was trying to conserve energy between contractions by leaning on the towel rail. Lee’s mum and my mum had arrived and I could see them watching me.

The best bit about having a baby in a midwife-run birth centre rather than a normal birthing suite with doctors and medical staff is how hands-off everyone is. Obviously, if something was wrong they would spring into action, but I never had any internal examinations or monitoring or people fussing around and was totally left to just listen to my body and roll with it.

I felt a lot of downwards pressure and thought that I might be ready to push. Amy told me not to be afraid of the pushing feeling and to just go with it. She had told me earlier that the pushing stage in second labours can be as short as ten minutes, but I totally didn’t believe her as it took over an hour to push Archie’s giant head out.

Clearly she was right though, because I suddenly had a huge overwhelming feeling to poo and was sure that I was going to crap myself in front of my husband, mum and mother-in-law. Um, no, that would be the baby coming out.

Sitting down on a plastic chair is not conducive to pushing out a baby, so Amy told me to stand up. My legs were shaking and had turned to jelly, so I lurched myself at Lee in one movement. My waters broke in a huge gush, which freaked me out because they never broke with Archie, but it relieved a lot of pressure.

Lee had all 80 kilos of me and baby in an awkward headlock/wrestling move to avoid us all falling down, but managed to stay semi-upright and hold me while I let out a massive scream and the head started to appear.

If anyone is wondering what it actually feels like to push a baby out of you, well, it basically feels like you are pushing a baby out of you. It is that painful. I let out another scream and the baby’s head popped right out, then one more big push and Jethro Thomas Gratton plopped out onto the floor. Amy quickly picked him up and gave him to Lee for skin on skin time, and I lowered myself down on the ground. My first thought was that he was so tiny, much smaller than Archie, and was completely, totally perfect.

I had an injection to help the placenta come out – I held Lee’s hand because, hello, injections hurt, even if you have just pushed a human being out of your body – and managed to stand up and walk to the bed. I was a bit in shock at how easy it had been – three big pushes and he was out in less than five minutes.

The placenta came out, Lee handed me the little dude and he found the boob and fed like a trooper. He is 100g smaller than Archie at 4.4kg, and a couple of centimetres shorter at 55cm. Most importantly, his head is a whole 4cm smaller than Archie’s hefty dome. Thanks, Jed. He is still considered to be a big baby, although he seems super-small to me, because he is much more petite and delicate than his brother. He has his dad’s enormous feet and long fingers.

My brother picked Archie up from daycare at about 2pm and brought him in to meet his little brother. Archie glanced at Jed and then asked if he could eat some more grapes. Then he spotted my lunch tray and ate the bread roll and grilled chicken, before he spotted a crane out the window and watched that for a while. Not so interested in his brother!

Archie seemed so big and grown up compared to Jed – he was bouncing on the bed in his Chucks and hoodie and kind of freaked me out at how quickly time has gone. It seems like only yesterday that he was a teeny, roly-poly newborn.

We were going to go home that afternoon, but they had a private room on the ward so gave us the chance to stay as we still had to meet with the physio and mental health lady and have Jed’s hearing tested and glucose testing done. Seriously, our experience with the public hospital midwifery system has been so awesome. We had a big double room with a view of the Dandenongs, a midwife on call and now four follow-up midwife visits at home.

While I was pregnant, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to love this next baby as much as I love Archie. I couldn’t imagine feeling the same depth of emotion and fierce protectiveness for another person. But you know what? A mama’s love is elastic and infinite and ferocious. It stretches and expands with each baby, filling up the space in and around her family like a web.

Before Jed was born, there was a feeling that someone was still missing in our little trio. He has been patiently waiting in the wings to complete our family. And now we are whole.

xx

29 before 29.

So I turned 28 a couple of weeks ago. I celebrated with apple crumble, helium balloons and excellent present choices from the fam. For some reason, 28 sounds so much older than 27. Better get my life in order.

For the past few years, I have made a list around my birthday of stuff that I want to do before my next birthday. I have never ticked off everything on the list - far from it (I'm looking at you, 26 Before 26). Sometimes the stuff carries over to the next year, sometimes it doesn't. Here is last year's list, and the year before, if you are interested.

Drumroll........

29 before 29

1. Move into the Brunswick house (dear god, if this isn't done before April next year I will go insane.)

2. Weekly yoga classes.

3. Dramatically lower my expectations regarding housework.

4. Go to Big River with the family.

5. Get better at photography.

6. Make homemade Monte Carlos.

7. Spend lots of time in bed with my new baby.

8. Get the new house photographed for a magazine - we have already been contacted by the Herald Sun but I reckon we can do better than that.

9. Make a difference with the podcast.

10. Get Archie started with swimming lessons.

11. Go on regular dates with Lee, even if it's just G&Ts in the backyard.

12. Move into a new workshop closer to Brunswick.

13. Do a huge purge and declutter when we move house

14. More family dance parties

15. Get Aussie Farmers Direct delivered regularly.

16. Eat more soup.

17. Eat less carbs.

18. Breastfeed.

19. Work really hard on good sleep habits for the new baby.

20. Toilet train Archie.

21. Do 30 proper pushups in a row.

22. Go to Alec and Nic's wedding in Queensland with an eight-week-old and a toddler and not freak out completely.

23. Regular friend dates.

24. Be an awesome mum.

25. Go on lots of bike rides with Archie.

26. Get the business making awesome dosh.

27. Make sourdough (ha, see No. 17).

28. Buy a heirloom rug.

29. Go on the City Circle Tram.

xx

My arsenal for surviving pregnancy.

If you'll allow me to indulge for a minute, I am excellent at feeding and birthing large, robust humans. Natural childbirth? Done. Breastfeeding? No dramas. Cruising through pregnancy feeling healthy and sane? Not so much. If there is an obscure pregnancy symptom, I have it. Blood noses, symphysis pubis disfunction (sexy), bleeding gums, peeling fingertips, dry eyes, anxiety, congestion, heartburn? Check, check, check.

I know pregnancy is a blessing and a joy and while there are many times that I have gotten misty-eyed over feeling the baby kick, for the vast majority of the time I am an overheated, sweaty, moaning mess of pain and emotional volatility. Anyway, here is a motley collection of things that I have found helpful, useful or interesting over the past seven months.

Lansinoh

As in nip cream. This stuff is made of 100% lanolin (wool fat from sheep) and is made to be smeared on your teats to stop cracking and bleeding. Thankfully I never had major nipple issues but still use this stuff as lip balm, moisturiser for my dry fingers and nails, and as a barrier cream for Archie's drool rash and mozzie bite scabs. I also smear some in my nose to help with the dry, bloody nostril situation (sorry for the grossness, but it helps!).

Maternity crop tops

Due to the fact that my puppies have been full of milk since I was 18 weeks pregnant (!), I have been sleeping in a bra for the past six months or so. Milky boobs with no baby to feed (yet) result in super-sensitive, massive cans that need to be contained and controlled, but I obviously don't want to sleep in a proper bra. I got these extremely daggy and unattractive crop tops from Target when Archie was born and wear them every single night.

Maternity leggings

I was adamant that I wouldn't need any maternity clothes with either pregnancy as they were all either fugly or super-expensive. Oh, bless the ignorant and stubborn first time mother. One day I was shopping with my mum, waddling along in my skinny jeans held up with rubber bands and pins, and she forced me to try on a pair of maternity leggings. I wore them out of the shop, and pretty much haven't taken them off since. Well played, mother.

eBay

Things I have bought on eBay for the baby: Two cots, one double pram, one Mountain Buggy tyre, one Ergo Carrier, numerous pairs of toddler shoes, a suede Seed toddler coat for $15  and few pairs of toddler pants. Pretty sure I have saved megabucks this way.

My New Baby by Rachel Fuller

After we found out that we were pregnant, I ordered this book online for bit of a subtle subliminal messaging to Archie. The baby and the toddler in the book are both kind of gender-neutral so we call one Archie and one Baby. The book shows breastfeeding, the baby crying, the toddler on the potty - all things which are relevant to us at the moment.

Calming the f*ck down 

This is probably the most important but most difficult thing. I am prone to a bit of the old anxiety/depression and was on medication for it for eight years until I got pregnant with Archie. I am fine 99% of the time but pregnancy hormones, exhaustion and general overwhelm has resulted in a few epic episodes in the past few months where I totally lost control of my head and my tear ducts. I am a prime contender for post-natal depression (I had a huge 'M' for MENTAL on my file at the midwife clinic last time, so all the midwives/doctors/nurses/orderlies/ladies filling the vending machine/other patients knew that I was MENTAL. Awesome) so am making a big effort to consciously do less, relax more, go to bed early and get help so that I don't get sick.

Saltwater Sandals

My feet are achey, hot and swollen and I have been living in my old trusty Salties since November. The leather is so soft now that my feet can puff up without looking like this, and they look good enough to wear pretty much everywhere. My pregbot uniform this time around has been black maternity leggings (see above), red Salties and a tunic dress/maxi dress/ muu muu. Throw on beads and a scarf  and I am ready to both meet with an architect at work or wrestle a toddler into a trolley at Aldi.

Nameberry

I don't know if I should recommend this website or not as it is both a blessing and a curse. We had a short, simple list of baby names, but then I found Nameberry where you can plug in names you like and they recommend other names for you. Our short, manageable list of names suddenly quadrupled and now I have so many options that the baby is likely to be starting kinder and still be called Baby. Or Joe, which is Archie's chosen baby name option.

Supplements

I started taking Blackmores Pregnancy Formula once I got the positive pee stick result. I had a blood test recently that showed that I am both anaemic and Vitamin D deficient, so now I take a cocktail of the Blackmores preggo multivitamin, Blackmores Magnesium for the achey muscles, fish oil for the baby's brain, Floradit iron for energy, Ostelin Vitamin D capsules and Normafibe to counteract the iron's constipating tendencies (TMI, sorry). I take some in the morning and some at night, and always take the iron with orange juice to help absorption. The rad nutritionist and blogger Katie180 wrote a great post about preggo vitamins which was super interesting.

Hope this helps any fellow pregheads out there. Got any hot tips for me? Leave 'em in the comments.

Forget me nots #3

Funny, random stuff I don't want to forget about Archie at this age...

• Archie has decided that the new baby's name is Joe. As far as I know, he doesn't know anybody called Joe so I have no idea where it came from. I have started calling the baby Joe now too, and I think it is growing on me (and in me, ha ha)! Possible boy name? His other baby name ideas are Banana, Dirt and Archie, so honestly I'm not trusting his judgment.
• He has started saying "See ya!" when I put him to bed. Our routine is read books, lights off, sing twinkle twinkle and cuddle and then into the cot. I say "I love you, good night!" and he replies with "See ya mum!" So freaking cute.
• When we talk about what he did that day at daycare, in this tiny, sad, resigned voice he says "Bye Mum." It KILLS me. So cute, so heartbreaking. He is only there one day a week and loves it, but it kills me that what he remembers the most is saying goodbye to me.
• His favourite foods are cheese, pasta and sultanas. He will eat anything in soup form and and any kind of quiche or lasagne, or anything in a wrap, but will freak if I put raw vegies on his plate. I read that it takes kids up to 15 exposures to a certain food before eating it, so I keep offering him vegies but don't stress if he doesn't eat it. There's always veggie soup!
• We have just introduced him to a tiny blunt knife for cutting up his food. He manages to hold it in his left hand and use his fork correctly, but if he is getting frustrated then he just shoves handfuls into his mouth with his fist. He is pretty fussy about the rituals around eating and always wants to use a plate and sit down properly, which is great. My table manners nazi ways are paying off! He's doing pretty well for 21 months.
• We are getting more into potty training. He gets the whole process and what goes where, but still doesn't know when he is about to do a poo or wee. There have been lots of messes but I think we are slowly getting there. I don't know if my grand plans of getting him out of nappies before the baby comes will actually come to fruition, but I think we will come close.

xx

The new normal.

Hola! My friend Tess McCabe (of Creative Women's Circle fame, amongst other things) and I have started a podcast called The New Normal, which I have alluded to in previous posts. I am a big podcast listener, especially with all the driving I do these days, so am pretty stoked about it. 

It is pretty flippin' rad. Tess' husband Patrick made a very catchy intro song which gets stuck in my head for days. We basically just chat to different parents about kids, parenting, working, being creative and getting shit done. The thing I am loving is how it highlights how everyone is just schlepping along, trying to make the whole life-with-kids thing work. We have talked to some amazing ladies so far and have a few equally amazing blokes lined up for the near future. 

Go and listen to our ramblings. You can download the file or stream it from the website.

What I've been... Beatrix, dirty hair and birthdays

Eating: All the things. I am eating less sugar and amping up the vegies to help reduce inflammation and swelling, and give this baby the best chance at not actually being a Jelly Baby (despite its generous girth). Lots of salads, nuts, chicken, fish and green smoothies. Archie loves green smoothies, but his little digestive system does not. The nappy after he sculls a spinach-cuke-apple-ginger smoothie literally looks like the same smoothie has been poured into the Huggies. Lovely. Despite my virtuous and healthful ways, I have managed to enjoy a BLT and carrot cake at the lovely North Melbs cafe Beatrix, which Lee did the fitout for a few years ago. The owner, Nat, loved Lee so sent me home with a chocolate, caramel and peanut butter whoopie pie and a pistachio creme brulee. Oh yes.

Reading: I've just finished the Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan and Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes. Both books kind of blew my mind about the kind of food we eat, where the food comes from and just how messed up the diet industry is. In a nutshell, sugar is evil but everywhere, fat doesn't make you fat, veggies are best. And happy animals make nutritious meat. I've also just finished Eyrie by Tim Winton. God, that man can write. I've just started Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, by Mary Roach. So far, it's dark, funny and informative.

Bookmarking: The Art of Simple. The tagline is 'exploring the craft of living simply'. Love it.

Not doing: Washing my hair. I haven't washed my hair in nearly 10 days now. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what, but I just went a few days between washes...then a few more... and now it's been ages and my hair is still fine. I rinse it with apple cider vinegar sometimes and spread a couple of drops of jojoba oil through the ends if it's getting frizzy. It isn't stinky or oily or dry. Maybe shampoo and conditioner is actually just a crock of shite?!

Coveting: Marimekko have launched a range of kid's clothes. And oh, are they cute. I want to buy all the things.

Writing: An interview about the business for Interiors Addict. Super exciting! And lots of words for a freelance project with a rather tight deadline.

Looking forward to: Lee turns 32 on Tuesday (so old!) so we are having dinner at Ladro on Monday night, hopefully with dessert at Gelato Messina. And on his birthday night we will get takeaway Indian (Kofta Nawabi FTW) and eat these heart attack brownies that he requested.

Submitting: Our building permit application! It is 170 pages of soil reports, site surveys, computations, engineering drawings and energy rating reports. Fingers crossed it only takes a few days to be assessed then we are ready to roll. Lee is at the house today pouring the slab for the front path, and next weekend we will finish the front fence. Progress!

Pregnancy update: I only make large humans

I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant because this pregnancy has gone so damn fast. With Archie, I had about 15 pregnancy tracker apps on my phone, baby name books, a colour-coded Excel spreadsheet of baby items I needed to get and a massive case of I'm The First Woman Ever To Be Pregnant, Ever.

This time around? Between work and the business and the podcast and the house and raising Archie, I don't have the luxury of time to do daily prenatal yoga, research cloth nappies (ha!), read 7, 648 pregnancy books and write lengthly self-indulgent blog posts about the joys of pregnancy. This pregnancy has been more about playing Lego while doing my Kegels, feeding Archie sultanas to keep him quiet at midwife appointments and not even attempting to wear things that fit anymore.

Speaking of things fitting, this next baby, the one that has been growing inside of me for the past 25 weeks and will join our family in oh, about 15 weeks? It's large. It is a large, healthy, tall bubba. Just like its big brother, dad, mum, uncles, aunts and great uncles. My people are not small people. We all sit around the six foot mark, some of us heading well north of that. None of us are what you would call petite, or narrow-framed, or dainty. The women in our family tend towards being child-bearing-hipped Amazons and the men are all built like solid brick walls. We are born to build and to breed (and to feed). 

At my midwife appointment last week, our fabulous midwife told me that the baby is measuring big. Like, really big. This was not surprising as Archie was 4.5kg and loooong, and is still big for his age now, and my bump is currently larger than a family friend who is due the same time as me....with twins.

She suggested another scan at 30 weeks to see just how big it is and to check the dates are correct. But honestly? I don't really know what to do with the knowledge that it is going to be another big one. Our midwife said that the birth will have to be managed and slowed down as much as possible to reduce the risk of tearing, but otherwise just to roll with it and continue with the intended birth: I go into labour, I push, baby comes out. That is what happened with Archie and that's what I hope will happen this time, whether it is a dainty 3 kilo bub or another chubster.

It's weird though, how many feelings I get around having big babies and big kids and being a big pregnant woman. I think it's all tied into weight and body image issues. Society dictates that women, and to some extent, people generally, should only take up a minimal amount of space. Don't be too fat or too heavy or too tall or too loud - don't be too much of anything.

I get defensive and (depending on how hormonal I am) upset when people comment on how big I am. No woman ever wants to be described as big, even when she is nine and a half months pregnant and looks like Free Willy. The thought of my kids ever being teased or bullied for being big makes me shudder. Archie is still rocking a double chin and round belly and arm rolls at 20 months, but he is in proportion and the correct weight for his height. He is in the 95th percentile for height and weight and the 98th for head size. He eats like a horse, but very rarely has sugar or snacks or packaged anything. He is clearly one healthy little guy, so why am I so defensive about his size? Get over it, Clark.

I want  to teach my kids the importance of standing up tall, literally and figuratively. I want them to be proud of themselves and their bodies. To move with grace and avoid the stoop of a tall person trying to be less conspicuous. And in life, to take up as much room as they possibly can, to expand their minds and hearts and purpose to fill the nooks and crannies in and around them. To be happy with their ability to see over everybody's heads at concerts, and always to be considerate of the people standing behind them.

Some shiz I've been into.

This H is for Hummus: Alphabet for Modern Parents book. Mum picked it up for us and good Lord, is it fitting. Cracked me up. Instead of the old 'A is for apple, B is for bear' rigmarole, it has stuff like 'A is for app, B is for babycino, C is for controlled crying...' Archie busting out the Single Ladies dance. It came on the playlist this morning and he immediately dropped his Lego, planted his feet and did the whole 'Uh oh oh, oh oh oh oh-ohhh' hand twist thing with accompanying head shuffle and high kick. I have trained him well.

Clairy Browne and the Bangin' Rackettes. These ladies are the most played album on my iTunes at the moment. So freaking good.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irNtyaNHq5A]

The fact that Archie can do stuff on his own. Yesterday, I watched him open his drawer, get out a bowl, get some grapes, put them in the bowl, pull all the grapes off the stem, open the cupboard to put the stem in the bin, then sit on the floor and eat his grapes. No help from me, no dramas. WINNING.

Meal planning. I am on a less sugar, more veggies health kick at the moment, and the biggest perk is how easy and awesome it is to plan my meals in advance. Our household comprises of a vegetarian, a semi-vegetarian pregnant lady, a toddler, two men who need meat at every meal and my mum, which means that dinners are usually a bit haphazard, but having a plan means I don't get to 4pm and freak out and feed Archie and myself spaghetti with tuna for the third night in a row.

xx

The quilt.

You guys. I have finished my crochet cross quilt. I know, I know.

Mum taught me to crochet years ago but I kind of forgot it during the too-cool teenage years. I picked it up again by following Pip's instructions on her blog, and have been a crocheting demon since. I make lots of little toys and hats and failed things, but never something really big.

I saw a picture of this quilt on pinterest ages ago and loved it, and was determined to make something similar. It was 150 squares and many, many hours of hooking and sewing in, but last weekend I finally sewed in the last threads. Technically I still need to wet block it, but I'm calling it as done.

Despite a few holes and accidentally changing shades of white halfway through (don't look too closely)I am pretty rapt with the results. It is snuggly without being too heavy. I think it will go on Archie's bed when he graduates out of a cot.

Yay!

2014 thusly.

So 2014 has been weird/awesome so far. I have been a bit mopey due to apparently getting every single freaking symptom of pregnancy (Epic blood noses! Cracking hips! Weird peeling fingertips! Inability to bend!) coupled with exhaustion and a toddler who has only two settings: LOUD and FAST. Also I am lacking in inspiration for the old blogaroo so when I read this 'Taking Stock' list on Pip's blog ... JACKPOT.

Making: MY CROCHETED BLANKET IS FINISHED! This is worthy of a whole other post, which I will be boring you with shortly.

Cooking: Cakes. It was my brother's birthday on Monday so I made a baked lemon cheesecake and a good old Chocolate Ripple Cake. Ain't nothing like a two ingredient dessert to excite this time-poor lady.

Drinking: Water and tea.

Reading: The Omnivore's Dilemma, by Michael Pollan. It is pretty dense, but I'm reading it on the Kobo so I don't have to hold a giant brick of a book awkwardly in one hand. I have read a few of his other books and find them super-interesting. It raises lots of questions about industrial farming and Big Organic. The biggest lesson is how screwed up America is food-wise and how a lot of their problems stem from the reliance on cheap, subsidised corn. My dad has a 6000 acre pig, sheep and crop farm and it is really interesting comparing how his genetic breeding practices, land management and animal welfare issues stack up against the big American ag-industrial complex.

Wanting: To feel 100%. A constantly sore pelvis, lack of sleep and general malaise is making for a grumpy mama. I am currently wearing a girdle to hold my pelvis together. Hot. Pregnancy FTW!

Looking: Forward to a hair appointment next week. I get my hair done approximately twice a year and cut my own fringe (badly) so like to make it worth my while. I am thinking of going a bit lighter... maybe something like this?

Playing: So. Much. Cricket. Who would have thought that two extremely unsporty people could produce a child obsessed with cricket. What Archie lacks in skill he makes up for in enthusiasm. He has his own version which involves throwing the ball, running with the bat towards the ball, hitting the ball, clapping himself, throwing the bat, frantically running in the opposite direction, clapping himself for scoring a run, then starting again. I have to play all the fielding positions and am not EVER allowed to bat.

Deciding: On dinner. I think I'll pick some sushi up on the way home.

Wishing: That the coffee machine at home was not so freaking loud. I get that freshly-ground beans are important, but waking up every day to one of my four coffee-addicted housemates grinding, brewing and steaming is getting tedious.

Enjoying: My new king size bed. There is room for me, Lee, Archie and the seven pillows required to keep me comfortable.

Waiting: This dress.

Liking: Using my new Kikki K diary properly. I know it is only the third week of January but I am feeling super-organised having all my stuff in one place instead of scattered over fifteen different apps and notebooks and Post-Its. I am fully aware that any sense of organisation will all go to shit once the new bubba arrives, however.

Loving: Girls Season 3. So, so good. I loved Hannah's 25th birthday party and how horribly awkward and earnest Marnie is.

Pondering: The meaning of it all. Also, how to get inside the mind of a retail stockist and give them what they want, without going bankrupt. The wholesale furniture business is HARD, yo.

Considering: Paint colours for my brother's house. Because I am the Official Clark Family Paint Colour Consultant for all our various properties.

Watching: Archie grow bigger before my eyes. He tends to get really chubby, then have a huge growth spurt and get leaner, then get  chubby again. He is definitely in a growth phase now.

Hoping: That the weather will stay nice and mild like this for, oh, ever.

Marvelling: At how much the baby moves around. Archie was never still when he was inside, and this little bug is the same.

Needing: A massage. Also, a finished house.

Wearing: A Marimekko dress that is pushing the boundaries of appropriate maternity wear. I keep forgetting that my bump makes non-maternity dresses shorter at the front. Awkward.

Noticing: How much crap I eat. My sugarfree experiment starts next Thursday GOD HELP ME.

Knowing: Everything will work out in the end.

Feeling: Weary.

Admiring: Mothers who work fulltime and have lots of kids. And the daycare ladies at Archie's daycare. They are rad.

Buying: Groceries, presents for my new niece (!), ingredients for a lasagne for a new mum, maternity underwear.

Getting: Older. Ben's birthday made me realise that I will be 28 soon. Obviously I am channeling all my efforts into planning my 30th party in two years.

Disliking: People getting grumpy while waiting to turn right without a green arrow. I have right of way, dude!

Opening: Bills, Bills, Bills.

xxxx

House update: More freaking permits, demolition and kitchen designs

Not a lot has been happening at the townhouse over summer, but there has been plenty happening behind the scenes. Our planning permit should come through any day now, so the next step is the building permit. This involves about 148, 495 separate tasks, including site surveying, soil tests, structural drawings, engineer drawings, neighbour consent forms, drainage plans and all sorts of boring bits of paper. I have done most of it, but jeepers, what a pain.

We had a couple of guys there before Christmas to demolish the back half of the house. They went for broke and took away most of the rear. It now looks less like a building site and more like a demolition site. There is crap everywhere and it looks terrible. I can't wait to bring in Ben's excavator and scoop it all out so we can start pouring the slab!

I have been pinning up a storm and have chosen the final finishes for our kitchen and living area. God, this is SO the funnest part of building a house. The past two renovations we did were a bit haphazard as we had little experience and used the same paint colours, benchtops and spashbacks in both houses, as they were a similar era and style. This baby is hopefully going to be in a higher price range so I'm glad we are being more intentional with the design and finishes.

I'm thinking something like this stone benchtop with continuous splashback for the kitchen in the new Caesarstone Calcutta Carrera range...

with cabinetry in recycled Vic Ash laid horizontally with integrated handles, like this...

I want black steel-framed industrial windows. Lee is going to handmake them as it is a non-standard size and we want huge doors. Something like this (minus the weird deer statue)...

The floor will be polished concrete mixed with pigment to make it whiter, with darker coloured aggregrate. We will seed it (throw random rocks in it as it dries) with river pebbles. Something like this...

The walls for the entire house, front to back and both storeys, will be good ol' Dulux Lexicon half-strength in satin on walls and gloss on doors. It won't really show up onscreen, but here's an attempt...

It's a pure white mixed a tiny drop of black, so more of a grey-white than a cream or off-white. I needed a colour that will work with old timber floors and ornate ceiling details in the original front rooms, and polished concrete, super-high ceilings and steel windows in the extension. It also needs to work with the carpeted upstairs and the tiled bathrooms. Lexicon is where it's at, yo.

You can see more of my inspiration collecting on Pinterest.

Hellooooo 2014!

I'm baaaaack in all my pregnant and oversharing glory! We had a lovely summer break involving lots of beach time, digging in rockpools, mocktails,  fish and chips, wearing the same clothes until they stink of sunscreen and salt, naps, sandal tans and one very blond and tanned little chubster (Archie, not me). Arch was very spoilt at Christmas and is now the proud owner of a sandpit, a ukelele and a box of Duplo almost bigger than him.

I am still gestating another large human. We had a scan the other day that showed that the baby is already 89% bigger than most 20-week-old fetuses (feti?) so LOOK OUT LADY PARTS. Hopefully this baby doesn't feel the need to evacuate the premises along the same rough path as his large-headed big brother and require mama to need eight more stitches. There's only so much scar tissue one small and sensitive piece of flesh can handle.

Aaaand, there goes all my male readers.

(Joking! As if I had any male readers anyway.)

I don't really go for the whole NEW YEARS EVE PARTY PARTY PARTY thing, even before kids, because in my experience, pressure to have fun = no fun at all. Lee and I had a lovely couple of days hanging out and relaxing at home. New Year's Eve involved homemade gnocci with homegrown pesto and a 10pm bedtime for this little pregnant duck. I also don't really go for the whole resolution thing, but instead I prefer to thing about and maybe write down 'Stuff I would like to do this year'.

Things like date nights, embracing the whole gamut of pregnancy, birth and early motherhood, finish building my house. Less screen time, more baby time. Less sugar, more broccoli. More making, less faffing. More intentional doing, less freaking out.

I want to take more of the reins with our business. Make cooking and food more of a priority. Go to bed earlier. Consciously decide to really sloooow down at the end of the pregnancy and the first few months of motherhood, so I don't feel as useless and resentful. Ask for help and support and assistance.

Aside from the incoming addition to la familia, I have a few little projects on the go for 2014. My friend Tess and I have started a podcast which I'm excited about. I am choosing all the finishes and final materials for our house, which makes me so happy it literally keeps me awake at night. Archie at 19 months is a wonder- so much energy, so many feelings, so independent and eager and FUNNY.

Good times ahead!

Best laid plans.

For these upcoming holidays, the boys (ha, I love saying that) and I will be schlepping from my parent's house on Christmas Day to Lee's mum's place on Boxing Day, staying there for a few days, then coming home for New Years, and then heading down to Torquay for a couple of weeks. Ohhhh yeah. Archie is going to have to become reacquainted with the mesh cage/Portacot and sleeping in cupboards and driving long distances while stopping every 20 minutes so his pregnant mother can pee on the side of Eastlink. Poor kid will love it.

Because I have an inability to relax and slow down and do nothing, I have made a list of stuff I want to do on the holidays. All fun, family-friendly stuff that does not tax the pregnant brain or body, but will stop the kid and the husband being driven mad by my angry forced relaxing.

Feel free to steal this list if you want some activities for your staycation/weekends.

• Go berry picking. I don't know if Archie will be into this, but I do know that he picked and tried to eat two of the four green tomatoes that I lovingly coaxed  out of my fledgling tomato plant.

• Do touristy stuff in the city. I want to go back to Melbourne Now, have a picnic in the Botanic Gardens, buy all the things on my Christmas list that Santa didn't bring, and visit the Museum again.

• Turn off my damn phone. Or at least the wi-fi. The amount of time I spend aimlessly scrolling through Facebook/Instagram/random wikipedia shit is approaching addiction, and I think a break would do everyone good.

• Make some stuff. These holidays I WILL finish the cross quilt that has taken me YEARS. I only have 17 squares to go, then blocking, joining, sewing in ends and I'm done! That will be a good day. I also want to make a few crocheted hanging pot holders with colourful rope to hang over the kitchen in our new place, a really detailed embroidered peacock, some sort of 'Archie's Room' sign thing and these crocheted balls.

• See a movie outside. Either Moonlight Cinema or Rooftop Cinema. This is a no-toddlers-allowed date night, so might take a bit of planning. But worth it.

• Eat less shit. I am at risk of giving birth to a raspberry-flavoured Jelly Baby instead of a real life skin and bones baby if I don't ditch the junk soon. I try to eat heaps of protein and veggies, but am still eating way too much crap as well. I am going to make a big effort to make big salads and 'healthy desserts' and snacks and cut out the crap. I am even considering doing this, but that be crazy talk.

• Go on a big-ish bike ride. I love riding bikes, as does Lee and Archie. Before I get hugely pregnant, I want to fit in a leisurely, flat, slow, flat ride somewhere scenic and green. Also, flat.

• Go to the beach. All the time. I am lucky to have parents with an awesome beach house literally on the beach at Torquay. I think the baby monitor might even reach to the sand. There will be early morning swims, epic all-day beach sessions, late afternoon sandcastle sessions, evening walks and night beach dinners. Archie is old enough to appreciate it and not need me within arm's reach the whole time, so fun times will be had. Also, I plan on getting very, very, very brown.