Hot tips for toddlers.

Ain't nothing like waking up to this face at the foot of my bed.

Most of the time I have no freaking clue when it comes to parenting. I don't know if anyone does, really. We are all just bumbling along, shell-shocked, exhausted and bewildered. I only have one and a half children, which hardly makes me an expert. But I have gathered some good tips and little things that help when I'm in the trenches with an empty fridge and cranky toddler.

Most of the time, kids are capable of more than you think. On a good day, Archie brings his high chair over to the bench at dinner time, gets his plate and bib from the drawer and carries his water bottle over and puts it on his high chair. He hoovers his dinner, mostly without help from me, then hands me his bowl when he is finished. I give him a cloth and he wipes his face and hands (I  help a bit with this) this wipes the high chair. If he has been really messy we wipe the floor together, while he usually eats the crumbs off the floor (lovely). He puts his bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, and we're done. While it's obviously great for his own independence and confidence that we have taught him to do all that, the best part is LESS WORK FOR ME. Kid doing more = mum doing less. Win win.

Television is your friend. Archie watches Play School religiously at 4.30pm everyday. This is when I either a) get dinner ready, b) do washing or c) sit on the couch with him and mindlessly scroll through Facebook and Instagram. Do not be afraid of the television. It is also a great way to distract them so you can do stuff like cut their nails or secretly eat cake in the pantry.

Toys are overrated. Archie's favourite things to play with include an old vitamin container with a screw-on lid, an old nappy box turned into a car, three big empty buckets and a soup ladle. He spends ages in the bath trying to screw on the vitamin lid, makes a huge show of saying bye to everyone before getting in the cardboard car and going for a drive, can literally spend hours putting dirt and water and leaves into the buckets and rides the soup ladle like a hobby horse. I try to rotate through his proper toys pretty regularly and pack away the ones he isn't interested in, so he doesn't get overwhelmed with several million options. Less is more, my friends.

Chillax about food. I swing between freaking out about how much Archie eats and trying all sorts of things to get him to eat more veggies and less cheese, and just offering him normal food and leaving it at that. Believe me when I say that the latter is easier, more effective and less stressful. Kids are weird. They can go a whole day on a cheesestick and one Cruskit, then eat like a freaking 6-foot teenage boy the next.

When a kid is sick, just do what you've got to do. Watch TV all afternoon while lying on the couch together and drinking juice. Drive around for two hours so the sick kid can sleep in the car. Have really really long, hot, steamy showers together to melt the snot away. Co-sleep. Just do what needs to be done.

Step away from Dr Google. I really need to remember this when the new baby arrives. When Archie was teeny, I would lay awake at 3am frantically reading the entire internet looking for that once piece of advice that would magically make the baby sleep, slow down my ridiculous milk supply, clean my house and allow my just half an hour to not be needed by anyone. This benefits no one. If you need advice, ask someone who is either a) a qualified medical professional who you trust and like, or b) a fellow mother who you trust and like. Do not take parenting advice from anyone with a name like mommylyfe1042 on an internet forum. Actually, don't take parenting advice from anyone on an internet forum.

Get all the help. I honestly reckon that the whole 'it takes a village' thing is spot on. Children are not just the property of the mother and father, but belong to a whole community. The parents owe it to the community to share the kid around, and in turn the community helps out. I really struggled with asking for help (and still do), both emotional help and actual can-you-pick-up-some-dinner-on-your-way-over help, but trying to do everything on your own is a recipe for a meltdown, and at worst, PND-town.

Taking stock

Jeepers. What is with this time of year? I've been flat out doing all the things and going all the places and making all the food. And it's only the 2nd of December. Lots of exciting things are happening with our house and business, as well as a new fun project I will tell you about once it actually happens. Also, I am growing a human, so there's that.

Making : Mango lassi, mango salad, mango smoothies... we have two big boxes of mangoes to get through and I am LOVING it. Just sniffing them makes me feel all summery and winsome. Cooking : Cake pops for a 9th birthday party, cinnamon rolls for playgroup Christmas party and some sort of fabulous dessert for a family Christmas party on Sunday. Drinking : Soda Stream-ified water by the bucketful. Also, Mac's Green Apple Sparkling Fruit Drink, aka the pregnant lady's beer. Reading: Some rando Bryce Courtenay book. It's taking me a while as I read approximately two thirds of a page before falling asleep. Wanting: A back massage. I've been pilates-ing twice a week but the old dodgy pelvis is starting to ache. Looking: Forward to Christmas with Archie. He is pretty into Santa (except when he actually has to touch him) and Christmas trees and carols and the whole shebang. Playing: Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings LOUDLY in the hope that Arch develops an appreciation for lady soul music. Deciding: What's for lunch - sushi or a salad roll? Wishing: That I never had to pee. How much more productive would that be! Enjoying: Seeing life through the eyes of a toddler. Walking several feet becomes an adventure in poking every blade of grass, picking up rocks to hand to me, licking a pole, breaking into song then doing fart noises on his arm, all within 30 seconds. Waiting: Impatiently for our planning permit to be approved. We were initially told it might take up to six months but the council called last week to say that we comply with all requirements and it should be approved by Christmas. Woop woop! Liking: That the weather is slowly slowly slowly getting warmer, the days are longer, there is less traffic and stone fruit is here! Wondering: How I am going to cope with a toddler and a newborn. I need more arms! Loving: My husbo. It was our one year wedding anniversary on Sunday. Awwwww. Pondering: Baby names. I have a shortlist but it is lacking in girl names. A sign?! Considering: Whether it is possible to drink too much water. I am SO THIRSTY all the time and so guzzle guzzle guzzle like a camel. Watching: Bits of the Dr Who 50th Anniversary special with my epic Dr Who nerd of a husband. I liked the bit where they got the old doctors all together. David Tennant is my favourite by far. Hoping: That is won't be too hot on the weekend as we have a market stall, a birthday party and a Christmas party. Marvelling: At how babies grow. I get the Huggies emails telling me how big the baby is each week, and seriously, it is a freaking miracle. Human are amazing. Needing: to clean out my handbag. I can see a tape measure, roll of gaffa tape, three notebooks, three pairs of sunglasses, two jars of nappy cream, a matchbox car and million old receipts/tissues/toothpicks. Smelling: Earl Grey tea and Monte Carlo biscuits. Wearing: A black jersey dress that isn't technically maternity wear, but I managed to get into it for most of my last pregnancy. Noticing: My skin is super super dry at the moment. Yuck. Knowing: That I have a huge weekend coming up and trying to get early nights in! Thinking: About Christmas songs for toddlers that have hand actions. I don't think there are any, so I'm going to have to make up my own actions for Jingle Bells and Rudolph. Feeling: Sore backed, a bit tetchy and tired, but happy. Admiring: My mum's enthusiasm for cheer. Buying: All the things. I think I have sorted out most Christmas shopping, with the exception of a few little bits and pieces. I've just gotta get my work Kris Kringle, a present for the tenant's at our old house, and presents for interstate family. Opening: Advent calendars! Lee and I have a Freddo one each, and I have been looking for a non-chocolate one for Archie that just has pictures (because I am the sugar Nazi /grinch). I even thought of getting one of those ones with pockets and putting medjool dates and dried apricots in it, but that might be going too far.

Happy Summer, peeps!

Book launches, smoked oysters and a very cute foetus.

That is one good-looking foetus.

I had the scan and got to look at this little prawn this morning. The ultrasound lady said 'Oh there's his little legs' and I freaked out but I think she just said it out of habit or something because it certainly didn't look like there was anything going on in the nether region. We don't want to find out what we are having but I have such a strong boy feeling. He/it is a good size and everything looks normal. It looked just like a baby (well, duh) and was sucking it's thumb and kicking it's legs.  I told Lee that it looks just like Archie. Probably because of it's big belly and button nose. Very cute.

So I've clicked over into the second trimester, which hopefully means some sort of energetic glow will overtake me soon. I freaking hope so, because I have seriously lost my mojo recently. All I want to do is lay on the couch eating smoked oysters and lemonade iceypoles whilst watching trashy shit on TV and scrolling through Pinterest looking at furniture I can't afford.

I am trying to restrain my whinging to a minimum and am sucking it up. This last weekend I had a wanky architecture networking thing, a book launch (you can see Lee's bearded head in the photo on that link, and half of my face) , a Mums Gone Wild night out, a baby shower, a fourth birthday and a family BBQ thing. I wore the exact same outfit - a rainbow-coloured sack dress from Sportsgirl which will last me well into the hundreth month of pregnancy - to every single event as they were all for separate groups of friends. Winning. I was pretty much comatose by Sunday night (getting home at TWO AM on Sunday morning didn't help. Such a rager I am.).

The book launch was for a book my gorgeous friend Tess wrote called Conversations with Creative Women Volume 2. We provided stools for the launch and as a raffle prize. So many talented, lovely ladies (and gents) in one room! Afterwards, Lee and I went to Brunswick Mess Hall for dinner (at 9pm! Usually I eat at 5:30 with Archie so this pregnant lady was crazed and delirious by the time our spring rolls arrived) which was super-yum. I never cook anything remotely Asian at home but pulled apart the yummo papaya salad and decided I'm going to have a crack at making something like that. God I'm exotic.

In other news, Archie has FINALLY decided to say "mum!" when he wants something instead of just clawing my leg and yelling "Arrrrrrrgggh!" You don't understand how exciting this is.

Knocked up.

YOU GUYS!

Some (most?) of you are probably aware, due to the wonders of Facebook, but I am duffed. Knocked up. Bun in da oven. I am due at the end of May, which makes me about 12 weeks pregnant now. Hence the recent lack of content on this here blog and the general radio silence.

I am super duper excited/terrified about doing it all again. If all goes to plan, the bub will be born a week before Archie's 2nd birthday. And obviously I will be claiming the 'two kids under two' tag for that one week, coupled with many solidarity fist pumps with other mums in the trenches.

One of my oldest friends had a beautiful baby girl last Friday. We visited them yesterday and good lord, I'm glad I am already preggers because I was SO CLUCKY. I forgot how teeny tiny newborns are (granted, Archie was never actually that tiny. He went straight into clothes meant for three month old babies and into nappies means for crawlers. What a unit.) and how magic and special the whole birth and motherhood thing is. WE MAKE PEOPLE.

So, back to me. I am beginning to think that perhaps I do not do pregnancy well. Yes, I have been feeling pretty bloody shite. There has been much vomiting. There has been gagging over prenatal vitamins. There has been a hacking cough which led to me begging a pharmacist for pseudoephedrine and then imaginary-punching her when she suggested I try honey and ice cubes. I have eaten more McDonalds than I care to admit, and a tin of pineapple in one sitting.

I also started going to horrendously expensive and painful preventative pilates classes to hopefully stop the godawful pelvic pain hell that I went through last time. Because no 175cm thick-thighed heavily pregnant woman should have to use crutches.

So I already have a ridiculously large and truck-like double pram purchased off eBay. Picking the pram up from the seller's house made it fairly obvious that a) I need a bigger car and b) I need to work on my upper body strength if I ever want to actually use said pram. I folded it down as best I could, then had to take out the carseat and fold down both back seats to fit the freaking thing into my teeny hatchback. The seller lady was trying to help as I was awkwardly slamming the boot on the pram and sweating and nervously laughing. That was not my best moment.

So, high fives for more tiny people in my life!

What I've Been... 150 posts, museums and Pingu

Helping his Dad blow up the baby pool. There was a lot of snot and saliva involved.

First ever lick of the bowl.

Fussy baby wants to eat everything and nothing. So obviously I just gave in and let him choose.

An outtake from our photo shoot last week. More photos to come!

Making coffee.

Writing... apparently, 150 posts! Good lord. That is a lot of self-indulgent gasbagging.  For something that began 2 1/2 years ago with this post (and honestly, it's no wonder the internet didn't break with the poignancy and meaningfulness of that post), then saw me start and finish design school, renovate a couple of houses, get knocked up, pop out a baby and the total clusterf*ck of feelings that ensued, I never imagined I'd still be writing here now. Thanks for putting up with me, peeps.

Visiting... The Melbourne Museum. Last Wednesday they had a special day for kid aged 0-5, so I took the little guy. We got to go on a tram, which is probably the most exciting thing to happen to Archie since his first banana bread experience. He was pretty concerned that the Myki card reader didn't have any buttons to press, despite it looking slightly like a button at a pedestrian crossing. So obviously he tried to lick the machine, just to check that there definitely weren't any secret buttons that only reveal themselves through contact with the saliva glands of a toddler. Thankfully the ninja skills of his mother prevented his tongue from touching the germ-infested machine. I'm preeeeetty sure I don't need syphilis and salmonella added to his list of woes.

Anyway, the museum was ridiculously busy and overrun with small people, harried mothers and cranky museum staff.  Arch had a ball. I hadn't been there for years, and the Children's Museum is so, so awesome. They have all sorts of exhibits and interactive stuff. His favourite thing was a big fibreglass statue of a wombat that he kept kissing and roaring at. Little weirdo.

Also visiting... Artplay. We went to an workshop run by a couple of artists at Artplay on Wednesday morning called Explore, Burrow and Build. Archie was extremely unimpressed and spent the whole time eating a banana in the corner and looking surly. Good times.

Applying... for a demolition permit. I only just learnt this, but it is possible to get a demolition permit from a building surveyor without getting a proper planning permit from the council. Take that, Moreland Council! So now we can pull down the back half of the house without waiting the 6+ months for the council to get their asses into gear. And smash the sh*t out of that fugly kitchen.

Feeling... shite. I have had a shocker of a cold that has rendered me pretty much useless. So let's just say that Archie's televisual habits have become somewhat...  overindulged, of late. He is extremely into Pingu, who is a little claymation penguin that speaks Penguin and lives in an igloo with his family and does cute funny stuff. Archie is a huge fan and does a little Pingu walk and head bob and giggles hysterically at the TV. Pretty darn cute.

What I've Been... Gorillas, Mexican food and Mark Tuckey.

Digging. His new favourite activity.

Our market stall!

Archie picked these and gave them to me. Heart. Melted.

Rocking new shades.

Just casually eating a zebra's tail. What?

Obviously the safari jeep at the lion enclosure was waaaay more interesting than the lions.

Not doing... blogging. I have been a bit under the weather for the past few weeks so instead of writing this here blog I have been watching crap TV, working, napping and hanging out with my little man. Also, eating lemonade icypoles by the box.

Visiting... the zoo. Last Friday my awesome playgroup did an excursion to the Werribee Zoo. I hadn't been since Grade Three and all I remember was that it was really far away from home and there were no tigers. But oh man, has the zoo lifted its game! I didn't take the pram which was great until the last hour when Archie was well overdue for a nap and just wanted to stop to look at every freaking leaf and bug and blade of grass in the whole park. A highlight was when he smooshed his face up against a slightly gross tank with a tree frog in it and blew raspberries and licked the glass. I'm sure the frog really enjoyed it.

But we saw gorillas and rhinos and giraffes and lions and hippos. It feels like you are in a cage instead of the animals, as they all just hang out together in massive enclosures. Very cool.

Making... a skirt. Oh lord. I have quite a few circle skirts which are really comfy and swirly and easy to wear, so I have attempted to make one. It looks kind of okay if you don't look at the stitching or the waistband or the hem too closely.

Enjoying... Archie at 16  months. So much attitude. He has started being purposely naughty to get attention, like climbing up on his little table and then yelling at me so I look at him. Or putting tiny toys in his mouth, then when I try and do 'Parenting' and take them off him, he will look around furiously for something else to put in his mouth. Like his potty. Or a drawer. I lose it and crack up laughing. God knows how I will cope when he is actually doing properly naughty things.

Eating... Mexican feasts. Lee and I went out for date night on Saturday to a Mexican place and it was TERRIBLE. Like probably worst than Taco Bill. Granted, I probably shouldn't expect much from a suburban Mexican restaurant with giant novelty margharitas and a slushy machine full of luke-warm pina colada mix, but seriously, the food was gross and took way too long. I mean, that kind of Mexican food is just assembling, rather than cooking, right? Beans, salsa, guac, tortilla, sour cream, cheese. Maybe some beef or chicken. Anyway, on Sunday night Lee made a proper Mexican feast, with proper guac and endless sourcream. And Doritos Nacho Cheese corn chips, obviously. So authentic! So Mexican! So yum!

Excited about... our new house. GOD I canna wait to get in there. We put the fascia on the carport on Saturday, while my dad dug out the front yard ready for the new garden and the paving. We have submitted the plans, so..... now we wait. And build all the bits that we can without a permit, which is not much.

Also excited about... marketing. We had a stall at Rose Street Artist's Market last Sunday. It was really fun! We sold a few bits and pieces, including a kid's table and stool set to a cute 19-month-old named Oscar who lives in Northcote. We haven't really marketed or promoted the kid's range much so it was great to see people raving over the pieces. Lots of people took business cards and photos, and one lady with a shop in South Melbourne is interested in stocking the kid's range. Very exciting/daunting!

Pondering... business growth. I read with interest an interview with Mark Tuckey on the Design Files, as we always refer to His Tuckeyness when trying to be proper Business People. As in, "Well, Mark Tuckey has Instagram and Rachel Castle did his logo.  AND he has two showrooms. Maybe we need a showroom? And a better logo?" So it was interesting to read that he employs 45 people and doesn't have a background in furniture making. That is kind of obvious in the slapped-together designs (I still love you and your ridiculously overpriced unfinished furniture, Tuckey), but it kind of shows that people will pay hundred of dollars for what are basically roughly-sanded tree stumps, if you have a crack marketing and sales team. I don't really know what the point of this is, but it made me think.

Also, we have a photoshoot of the whole damn range in TWO WEEKS which I am obvs going to facebook, instagram and blog the shiz out of. So you guys have that to look forward to!

What I've Been... Almond butter explosions, Fringe Furniture and new rides

Eating... Brioche french toast with rhubarb and ricotta. What now? Obviously I didn't make it. Lee and I had a breakfast date to A Boy Named Sue and god knows I can't go past french toast EVER. It was gooooood. They don't have high chairs so I was eating it one handed and wrestling a hyped-up toddler determined to empty the sugar bowl on the floor. It was still totally worth it.

Reading... Last Man in Tower by Aravind Adiga. He also wrote The White Tiger, which I think won the Booker Prize a while ago. That book was like a punch in the face while eating garlic naan, but in a good way. This one is a bit slower, but it creeps up until you find yourself wanting to go to bed at 7.15 to read it.  And it totally makes me want to go back to India one day. God, that place is crazy.

Cleaning... An entire jar of almond butter out of my handbag. Last Friday we went to playgroup as usual, and after we left I stuck my hand in my handbag and pulled it out covered in sticky brown gunk. My first though was POO! before I realised it didn't stink like Archie's usual baby turds. It was, in fact, a jar of almond butter that had somehow come unscrewed in my bag and emptied over everything. And god knows I have a ridiculous amount of crap in my bag (this morning when I was stuck in traffic I cleaned out three bottles of bubble solution, a harmonica, a toy hammer, four unmatched baby socks, all the usual diary-keys-wallet crap, a mini first aid kit and a very old cheese stick that concerningly still looked edible).

And so obviously, I just cleaned off the important stuff then ignored the situation until I got home six hours later and it had concealed into a solid musty lump of toys, tissues, lip gloss and hairpins stuck together with almond butter. High five, mama.

Visiting... Fringe Furniture. On that same Friday as the above incident, we went to Abbotsford Covent with my mate Sam to visit another friend who was managing the Fringe Furniture exhibition. Lee put a piece in Fringe Furniture a few years ago, and it always has cool stuff made by super-talented peeps. I like that because most of the stuff is not really commercially viable, there is more of a focus on awesome techniques and well-designed pieces.

Archie loved the Play Cube by Little Green Room, a plywood cubby-type-thing which I realised is actually designed and built by one of my old lecturers. Very cool.

I was pretty impressed with the series of gorgeous hand-veneered skateboards by a designer whose card I promptly lost. They would look great up on a wall as an art piece.

Excited about... My brother has bought a new house not far from our new house, which is RAD because we can ride to each other's houses and I can eat pizza with him and his flatmates and he can come to our house and do the gardening. Yippee!

Building... Speaking of new houses, Archie has some new digs and a new ride he would like to show you. Check out the awesome dashboard detailing...

House update: Draining the lake, Moreland Department of Delays and way too many paragraphs dedicated to paint colours.

Good lord, that title is longer than I had planned.

Considering that this blog is called Worst House Best Street, you would think that I would cover our renovation a bit more. But apparently not. Apparently I mostly write about food and quilts and babies.

We have been chipping away at the Brunswick house  every Saturday for last few months and have managed to accomplish quite a bit, but there are still several thousand billion other things to do. The enormous carport/shed in the backyard is nearly done. We don't have any scaffolding and the ladder is only just high enough, so we used the fig tree to get up to nail on the roof sheets. It is so high that I can see into the yards of the people four doors down, which was slightly awkward. I had to avoid eye contact as there was only so much tense looking-away that I could do after several hours of trying not to watch people hang out their washing and water their veggie gardens.

We have also more or lessed fixed the indoor lake situation. As I have previously mentioned, there was no drainage and so the whole house was sitting in a foot-deep puddle. Water was running down the walls, the paint was peeling, the plaster was cracking and the front window is only just sitting on it's lintel (the lintel is the big chunk of timber or stone that the window hangs off in the wall). We dug out all the old stormwater pipes and replaced and reconnected them so the water ends up in the drain instead of under the living room floor.

I smashed down the front fence and then rebuilt it using recycled posts that Lee had sitting around the workshop. We made new pickets from some old merbau decking and I'll nail the pickets on next weekend, but most excitedly, we CHOSE COLOURS.  I kind of pride myself on my awesome paint colour-picking abilities and get pretty excited by colour forecasts and swatches and fandecks, so choosing heritage-accurate colours which still look modern and appeal to really rich people who want to spend a million dollars on a cute 1880s cottage in Brunswick made for a fun project.

Anyway, I wanted to use a Colourbond hue for the trims so that the fascia (the front edge of the veranda and roof) and the gutters would all match, as I can order pre-painted gutterings and fascia in Colourbond colours. The roof needs to be Colourbond for the same reason.

I planned on using Porter's Paint in Moon Shadow for the rendered brick, but have heard questionable things about the durability and colour accuracy of their exterior paint so went with good old Dulux.

The inside is a whooooooole other kettle of fish. I want something quite stark, chalky and clean that can be used throughout the entire house. It has to work in the high-ceilinged but slightly dingy, timber-floored front rooms,  the pokey hallway, the huge bluestone-tiled living and kitchen area, and the entire upstairs. Challenging much? Something grey-white, rather than pink or cream-white, but still warm enough to not look cold against the bluestone. Ok enough of me banging on about colours, I think four paragraphs is about three too many. SORRY.

Also, on the planning process: we have finally received the list of everything we need to submit to the Moreland Department of Planning (AKA the Moreland Department of Delays and Unnecessary Paperwork)  They want us to submit the plans, colour charts, neighbourhood character sketches, our tax returns, my first born and a urine sample (I kid, I kid). Such ball breakers.

ALSO. Our lovely neighbours renovated their place a few years ago and it took EIGHT MONTHS for their plans to be approved. Eight freaking months. Good lord. If our plans look like they will take that long, I  will be turning up at the council offices daily with homemade cookies and wine for everyone, and doing lots of nodding and winking and offering handshakes with cash-filled palms.

There is only so much living with the parents I can handle, and we want to reproduce again (hold me) soon. Moreland Council is basically deciding on when we can have our next baby. THANKS GUYS.

Quilt-a-long Week Five

 

YOU GUYS. My quilt is totally done. I got jazzy and added some ric rac to make it more interesting as the slabs of white were looking a bit boring. I managed to get enough strips out of the spotty fabric to bind it all BY HAND. That was fairly painful and my mum was horrified by the dodgy puckered corners. But I am rapt with the outcome.

It only took me fifteen months to get around to making a quilt for my son, so I should probably start on his leaving-home quilt now.

Two thumbs up to Aunty Cookie for the opportunity and all the hot tips.

What I've Been... Bacon choc-chip cookies, running and shoes.

I bought these ducks off eBay a couple of years ago, and still love them.

Pondering... Balance. There are times when everything seems to tick along nicely, and times when I am running around like headless poultry, doing lots but achieving little. Currently, I am working two days a week, co-running a business (I really need to stop linking to that heinous website), looking after Archie, renovating and project managing the building of a house, taking up running (see below) and occasionally high-fiving my husband and seeing my mates.

I love having lots of things happening. I love being productive and getting shit done. I want to do everything, feel all the feelings and see all the things. When Hannah ranted at the hot random guy with the fancy house in Girls about how she just want to experience everything, I was nodding my head.

But sometimes I would like to take my son and my husbo and live on an island with no internet and no Moreland Council Planning Department and no Bunnings and no elections and no money and no worries.

Eating... So. Much. Food.  I wrote an article about Huxtaburger for work last Monday (despite never being there to eat. Welcome to the world of journalism) and haven't been able to get them out of my head since. So when I found myself in Smith Street last Thursday, 20 minutes early for a meeting and absolutely ravenous, there was only one option. And dear god,  it was good. I probably could have had two, as they are not huge, but my Spanx were already pushed to their limit and I feared my pencil skirt would erupt like a sausage casing on a juicy banger, so I had to be happy with just one burger.  The chips were average, but the burger was divine.

In keeping with my American-themed eating habits this week, last night I made bacon and choc chip cookies. OH YES I DID! I had seen these around, mainly in the Instagram feed of my other (favourite) husband Henry Wagons and honestly, what dish is not improved with an extra helping of bacon.

There was heaps of leftover bacon from the week-late Father's Day breakfast we had yesterday, so I chopped some up and whacked it in some cookie batter. Obvs I left some batter aside for my vegetarian husband and clearly separated the bacony and non-bacony cookies, so as not to blemish the purity of his meat-free digestive tract.

They were amazing. The bacon is not overwhelming, but adds a little bit of saltiness and that pungent flavour that can only come from cured pig. DO IT, you guys.

Beginning... Running. So I have finally started the Couch to 5k program, despite having it installed on my phone for the last month, staring at me accusingly every time I swipe the screen. I have completed Week One so far, and am loving it. Mostly I love how gloating and smug I get to be after I go for a run, and wear my stinky running gear for as long as I can, to maximise the amount of people who know that I have just been running. Because I am a runner, you guys.  I run three times a week for half an hour, then spend a couple of hours being smug while swanning around in my Lycra, stretching and drinking water while sighing about my sore hamstrings.

(Also, I am fully aware of the juxtaposition of me showing off about running, straight after I wrote about eating bacon cookies.)

Watching... The Newsroom, Season Two. Oh, Aaron Sorkin, how I love thee. Snappy dialogue, complex characters, suspense and heart-pumping drama. I don't usually like shows where I have to work hard to keep up, but this is pure gold.

Thinking... About the business. Since I last wrote about it, we have had a meeting with a designer about getting a proper website built, started planning a product photo shoot and consolidated the furniture range. I have a to-do list the size of my arm, but it feels GREAT to finally be heading in the right direction, instead of just shrugging at each other while staring blankly at our dwindling bank account.

Winning... SHOES! I have decided to be someone who enters competitions. Not to go out of my way or anything, but just to enter the competitions which float onto my radar and which I am interested in. And you guys, I WON SOMETHING. And not just something, but SHOES!!!!!!!

I have drastically cut down the amount of blogs I read, but still check in on Fat Mum Slim sometimes because I like her voice. Also, she just had a baby and I love me some newborn photos. Anyway, I entered a competition on her site to win a $250 voucher for Bared Shoes and I WON! I had heard of the shoes before, because they are designed by a podiatrist so are comfy but also look good (A delicate line to tread (ha, get it). I'm looking at you, Kumfs).

And to make matters even better, they have a shop a few doors down from my office in Armadale, so I don't need to buy online and then anxiously worry that I've ordered the wrong size. Winning.

Have a great week, peeps!

Caitlin Moran's Advice for her Daughter

This is so freaking hilarious, and poignant, and honest, and REAL. I do love Ms Moran.

My posthumous advice for my daughter

Via The Times

‘Nine times out of ten, you probably aren’t having a full-on nervous breakdown – you just need a cup of tea and a biscuit’

My daughter is about to turn 13 and I’ve been smoking a lot recently, and so – in the wee small hours, when my lungs feel like there’s a small mouse inside them, scratching to get out – I’ve thought about writing her one of those “Now I’m Dead, Here’s My Letter Of Advice For You To Consult As You Continue Your Now Motherless Life” letters. Here’s the first draft. Might tweak it a bit later. When I’ve had another fag.

“Dear Lizzie. Hello, it’s Mummy. I’m dead. Sorry about that. I hope the funeral was good – did Daddy play Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen when my coffin went into the cremator? I hope everyone sang along and did air guitar, as I stipulated. And wore the stick-on Freddie Mercury moustaches, as I ordered in the ‘My Funeral Plan’ document that’s been pinned on the fridge since 2008, when I had that extremely self-pitying cold.

“Look – here are a couple of things I’ve learnt on the way that you might find useful in the coming years. It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start. Also, I’ve left you loads of life-insurance money – so go hog wild on eBay on those second-hand vintage dresses you like. You have always looked beautiful in them. You have always looked beautiful.

“The main thing is just to try to be nice. You already are – so lovely I burst, darling – and so I want you to hang on to that and never let it go. Keep slowly turning it up, like a dimmer switch, whenever you can. Just resolve to shine, constantly and steadily, like a warm lamp in the corner, and people will want to move towards you in order to feel happy, and to read things more clearly. You will be bright and constant in a world of dark and flux, and this will save you the anxiety of other, ultimately less satisfying things like ‘being cool’, ‘being more successful than everyone else’ and ‘being very thin’.

“Second, always remember that, nine times out of ten, you probably aren’t having a full-on nervous breakdown – you just need a cup of tea and a biscuit. You’d be amazed how easily and repeatedly you can confuse the two. Get a big biscuit tin.

“Three – always pick up worms off the pavement and put them on the grass. They’re having a bad day, and they’re good for… the earth or something (ask Daddy more about this; am a bit sketchy).

“Four: choose your friends because you feel most like yourself around them, because the jokes are easy and you feel like you’re in your best outfit when you’re with them, even though you’re just in a T-shirt. Never love someone whom you think you need to mend – or who makes you feel like you should be mended. There are boys out there who look for shining girls; they will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart. The books about vampires are true, baby. Drive a stake through their hearts and run away.

“Stay at peace with your body. While it’s healthy, never think of it as a problem or a failure. Pat your legs occasionally and thank them for being able to run. Put your hands on your belly and enjoy how soft and warm you are – marvel over the world turning over within, the brilliant meat clockwork, as I did when you were inside me and I dreamt of you every night.

“Whenever you can’t think of something to say in a conversation, ask people questions instead. Even if you’re next to a man who collects pre-Seventies screws and bolts, you will probably never have another opportunity to find out so much about pre-Seventies screws and bolts, and you never know when it will be useful.

“This segues into the next tip: life divides into AMAZING ENJOYABLE TIMES and APPALLING EXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE FUTURE AMAZING ANECDOTES. However awful, you can get through any experience if you imagine yourself, in the future, telling your friends about it as they scream, with increasing disbelief, ‘NO! NO!’ Even when Jesus was on the cross, I bet He was thinking, ‘When I rise in three days, the disciples aren’t going to believe this when I tell them about it.’

“Babyiest, see as many sunrises and sunsets as you can. Run across roads to smell fat roses. Always believe you can change the world – even if it’s only a tiny bit, because every tiny bit needed someone who changed it. Think of yourself as a silver rocket – use loud music as your fuel; books like maps and co-ordinates for how to get there. Host extravagantly, love constantly, dance in comfortable shoes, talk to Daddy and Nancy about me every day and never, ever start smoking. It’s like buying a fun baby dragon that will grow and eventually burn down your f***ing house.

“Love, Mummy.”

Quilt-A-Long Week Four

The quilt is SO CLOSE to being done. Like Chief Quilt Lady Shannon said, it is at the boring stage where all the fun part is over and now it's just heaps of sewing and annoying pinning. And this is why I have three completed quilt tops in a drawer that I have never finished.

So I have stuck it together with glue spray (this is an actual technique called basting, not just some random trick I decided to pull when I couldn't work the sewing machine) and now need to do the actual quilting. I planned on doing a contrasting colour but I don't think my sewing is up to it, God knows the last thing I need is something to draw attention to my wonky stitches. So I'm just leaving it plain old white. I'm thinking I might add a bit of a ribbon or something afterwards, so it looks like actual bunting and breaks up the white a bit.

I'm already planning the next one, think I'm going to try a bit of ombre chevron action. Two trends with one, um, stone.

What I've Been...

        

Thinking... About our business. Lee and I have so many ideas but suck at following through with anything. We tend to go crazy with sketching and ideas and making random prototypes, then fizzle out when we get to the stage of actually promoting anything or contacting stockists. SO. I am going to get all businesslady and crack the whip and get sorted. I am getting our heinous website fixed, sorting out some sort of branding and actually getting this baby making moolah.

I've been reading the Biz Ladies stuff and the whole CWC website to help find the next step. I have applied for a couple of designy markets, which will give us a deadline to aim for and therefore help kick our asses into gear.

Lee is so freaking talented and clever, and we have a fully-stocked woodworking workshop, so there really is no excuse to not be making awesome things that people want to buy. Thumbs up for getting out of my comfort zone, yo.

Enjoying... The SUNSHINE. God, how much better is everything when the sun is shining? It is impossible to feel bad when it's warm and sunny and happy outside. Archie can go pants-free (his default outfit) and get his bum out and about; stuff is growing in the garden; and I don't need to wear thermals to screw on roof sheets on our new shed.

Wondering about... The whole girls-with-tools  thing. On Saturday, I was in the front yard of our new house, wearing jeans, workboots, a work shirt and a toolbelt, demolishing the front fence and digging holes. I reckon every second person who walked past - and there were quite a few people, as it was the first warm day in aaaaages - made a comment.

One guy said "You are very good with a hammer!". One guy just looked at me and laughed. Two older men stopped in front of the house and watched me for a while. Um, awkward much? It wasn't a sexy thing, or an objectification thing, because I looked like crap and was fully covered up. I just know that if it was a guy doing the same thing, no one would have batted an eyelid.

This probably makes me sound like a massive wanker, or really up myself, or super-sensitive, or whatever. But I just know that it was weird.

Impressed by... My dad and my brother completed the Kokoda Trail last week. They got back on Saturday, several kilos lighter, more tanned and slightly gutsier. The photos were super spectacular and the whole trip sounded insanely tough.

So I think I have to wait a few weeks before going back to whinging about my sore hip and back in front of them.

Pondering... Facebook. I do love social media for the way I can stalk keep in touch with everyone. But between facey, Twitter, Instagram and this here blog, it is kind of overwhelming. Instagram and the twits are by far my favourite mediums. I know that I don't HAVE to keep updated with all of it, but the temptation is there and I sometimes really just want to close my facebook account completely. And move to a cave in the mountains, Thoreau-style.

Forget Me Nots #2

Little things I don't want to forget about Archie at this age...

• The other day he made me sit on his little chair and fed me a plateful of strawberries that I had cut up for his snack. He giggled the whole time and then gave me a big drooly kiss once he'd finished smooshing them into my mouth.
• He also likes to feed me his lunch, then try and eat it out of my mouth, using his own mouth. As in, he goes in for the full-on pash. That is as gross/cute as it sounds.
• He has learned to bend over in the bath and blow bubbles on the water. Sometimes he gets excited and starts lapping at his bathwater like a kitten. Cute, but probably not the healthiest thing to do. He has also started doing it in the pool, which is preeeeeety gross.
• His teddy, Brian, is his absolute best mate. He takes him to bed for every nap and all night. I give Archie a kiss and say "nigh nigh!" then do the same to Brian. He grabs Brian, throws him over his chest and give him a huge cuddle. When he is at daycare, he hold on tightly to him the entire time and does not let go.
• I found these little gumboots at Big W that look like dragons. We randomly spotted them in the women's sock section and he grabbed them and was enthralled. I had to leave them in the bagging area at the self-serve checkouts because the stupid machine was beeping at me and they were just out of his reach. He threw a massive wobbly until I could finally pick them up and leave. He carried them the whole way home, then wouldn't take them off once they were on. He spent the afternoon wearing a nappy and his new gumboots, and proudly showed anyone who visited buy marching up, stopping still and pointing at his feet. So freaking cute.
• A few weeks ago, Lee and I were home alone with Arch and decided to have a family pizza party as a special occasion. I am the mealtime Nazi and only let him eat from a proper bowl in his high chair or at his little table, so eating sitting on a rug on the floor was a pretty big deal. It was super-fun and I was feeling like mum of the year until he realised he could walk around while eating and proceeded to walk all over the pizza, leaving Napoli footprint all over the carpet.
• He is really into people's backs at the moment, like he has just discovered that if he stands behind someone they can't see him. So he thinks it is hysterical to come up and poke me in the back, or give me a bear hug from behind while I'm sitting on the floor. And I obviously always act super surprised and he dissolves in a puddle of giggles.
• He has a few clear words, mostly duck, dad, mum, hat, yum, cat, and things like that. His favourite by far is to yell DAT! while pointing at stuff. He gets up the morning and I carry him out and he begins the commentary of pointing at the window. DAT! The fruit bowl. DAT! The cutlery drawer. DAT! When he wants something he points and waves and shrugs in a huge performance shouting DAT! DAT!!! as if his whole life depends on me passing him a piece of my toast. What a cracker.

What I've Been...

 

Thinking... About spew. A tummy bug has gone through our house this weekend, like a freaking spewy monster of doom and carpet stains. I'm fairly sure the little guy brought it home from somewhere, either the germ-crusted kids at daycare on Thursday or from the Brunswick Baths on Friday. He likes to open his mouth and gulp the pool water, which was cute the first time he did it but is now just gross and concerning. On Saturday Lee and I were getting ready to go out for a date night, and the little guy was being extra cuddly. He looked a bit ashen and sleepy, and I thought he was just tired as he hadn't had an afternoon sleep and had a runny nose. Ha! Once again my supposed in-built mummy instincts were waaaaaay off.

He pulled a face and then projectiled all over me and the carpet and the floorboards and himself. I swear to god, that kid can put away some food, and also apparently shoot it out of his face at at least 30km/h. I just screamed HELP! while the baby exorcist in my arms emptied his guts everywhere. Poor little guy. He just looked completely terrified by what was happening and stared at me like "MUUUUMMMM what is going on in my faaaaaacce!"

And then the next day, Lee started getting queasy and upchucked in the porcelain throne too. I didn't want to share a bed with his green, spewy body so slept upstairs. But then mum got it on Monday and was waylaid on the couch all day with a bucket. Fun times all round! Fingers crossed I manage to avoid it, but I think it is probably inevitable. Oh, joy.

Eating... Despite being temporarily set back by a spew monster, we managed to have a date night on Saturday at a new restaurant in Warrandyte called Altair. It was pretty swanky and yum. I don't know if it's the whole Masterchef thing or just being used to eating out in the city more, but we have totally turned into amateur critics. Which kind of sucks, because the food was great and the atmosphere was great and it is in Warrandyte, not a tiny underground den in the CBD with a known chef and a Good Food Guide listing, so we should really cut the place some freaking slack. But our conversation goes like this:

"This lamb belly is great, but the beetroot is undercooked. The chef looks young."

"I know. The white bean puree is the ravioli looks better than it tastes."

"Ummm, why would you fill up the water and not take the empty plates. Seriously? Seriously. "

"The waitress is, like, twelve. And this room is all hard surfaces. The acoustics are shite. They should have put panelling on the ceiling."

Clearly, we are experts in the restaurant trade. And also, slightly asshole-ish.

Smiling at... I found these super cute comics by Phillipa Rice via A Cup of Jo. Oh gosh, they had me all smiley and feeling lovey towards my Manfriend. I love things that highlight cute, everyday little moments. Lee and I have a thing where whenever we are watching a movie or reading a book and some hideous flesh-eating monster or fugly old man or a donkey pulling a face appears, he will nudge me and quietly whisper, "That looks a bit like you." Cracks me up every time.

So when I saw THIS I smiled. I wonder if I can buy it as a print?

Watching... Orange is the New Black. YOU GUYS. It is so freaking good. I am pretty into Girls and New Girl and that kind of thing, so this is right up my alley. I have watched four episodes already and am so hooked. It's funny and dramatic and light-hearted and gutsy.

Planning... What the hell we are going to do with our house. I will write more about this some other time, because it needs about seven thousand words dedicated to it.

Visiting... Our new tenants. We went to see them on Saturday to fix a door, and they are super lovely and awesome. Two rad chicks with three dogs and quite honestly the biggest couch I have ever seen. They invited us to a party that night, which we politely declined because, um, super awkward much?

Sewing... my triangle quilt! I am super dooper stoked. I made it all on my own, with no help (well, maybe just some tips here and there) from my quiltmaster mother. It is meant for Archie's bed but I might not let him touch it in case of random emissions (see above) so we'll see. But YAY! Now I've just got to finish my awesome bunting quilt.

Hot tips | Don't let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of good

So I have been thinking about the things that I wish I had learnt years and years ago. Stuff that would have been great to know when I was at high school, or first leaving home, or even just last year when I was in full-on new baby meltdown. I am going to write a series of Hot Tips that have made things slightly easier, or more relaxed, or simpler, for me. Hopefully you find them helpful too xx

Don't let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of good. (Or something like that).

I can't remember where I first heard this (maybe here? Although I think Voltaire actually said it first), but it was one of those things that must have gotten lodged in my brain because it came back to me as a lightbulb moment the other day.

It is easy to get so caught up in doing everything perfectly, that just doing a good job gets pushed to the wayside. I tend to be a perfectionist, and sometimes if I can't so something perfectly, I don't want to do it at all. Which is kind of ridiculous when I see it written down like that.

For example, I attempted Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation a while ago. I started off well, then fell off the wagon slightly (probably by eating cake) and then gave it up totally because it wasn't going perfectly. When really, just eating well most of the time and exercising when I can is better than doing sweet eff-all, which is what I did once I stopped the diet. This all or nothing attitude isn't doing anybody any favours.

Another example? I really like having green smoothies. They are yum, and healthy, and I can indulge myself in smugly feeling like I've got my shit together. But  I read somewhere that it is best to drink them immediately after you blend them up, because the vitamins start magically disappearing as soon as they are exposed to air or something like that. So I started freaking out and trying to make them fresh everyday. And that didn't work, so I ended up hardly ever making them at all. Stupido!

A three-hour old veggie juice is better than no veggie juice at all. So now I just make a big jugful whenever I can and drink a glass whenever I want. Still yum, still healthy, and I can still be smug.

If there is anything you want to, just freaking do it. You don't need to be a profesh dancer to take dance classes, you don't need to be an amazing cook to have a dinner party and you don't need to be Usain Bolt to take up running.

Go. Get shit done.

Quilt-a-long, Week 2

I upped my game and decided to applique Archie's name onto the triangle bunting bits of the quilt. I imagined that this would involve just sticking the letters on, but my quilt Nazi mother said I had to do it properly with fusible something-something and stitching. And because I will invariably have to wash this quilt one day ( it is mostly white and I have a son who randomly emits bodily fluids at opportune moments) I don't want it to fall apart in the wash.

Then I ripped up the backing strips and pinned it ready for sewing. The actual sewing is the frustrating part. I am not a calm crafter who can happily stitch away, meditating whilst clicking knitting needles or sewing dainty doilies. I am still at the angry, frustrated stage which means lots of unfinished projects and half-assed stitching. But I am loving this quilt, mainly because it is deceptively easy and looks impressive. Can't wait to hang it on Archie's wall in his new room.

I am loving checking out what everyone else is doing for their quilt. There are some seriously good sewers doing it which is a tad intimidating, but I'm having a crack. And I think it is going to look pretty rad once it's all done.

What I've Been...

Making :  Two quilts, a crochet blanket and a mess.

Eating: A yummy burger and brownie from a cute little cafe that I haven't been to in years. We went on Saturday with one of my dear friends who I haven't seen much of lately due to us working and me living in the sticks. Her kids are so gorgeous and so close. They obviously love each other a lot. It makes me want to have another baby soon so Archie can have such a lovely sibling relationship.

Cooking: Baked salmon and veggies for dinner.

Wanting: More space. More room to move. Time to go faster and to slow down.

Looking: At the weather. It is so freaking cold in Melbourne right now. I can't wait for sunny days, with bare legs and no coat.

Wishing: That our house was finished and we were living in Brunswick already, next door to our awesome neighbours. They are a beautiful couple, one is a fabulous cartoonist and the other is a beautiful, eloquent creative writing professor. They have been super friendly right from the first day we got the keys.

Enjoying: Not doing my hair at all, and realising that it doesn't look too bad completely unbrushed, unblowdried and untouched. So liberating!

Waiting: For my dad and brother to get home. They left to hike the Kokoda trail on the weekend and I am so excited for them. What an adventure!

Liking: Working. I like the rituals of it- packing my lunch, getting a hot chocolate from the cafe down the street, bunkering down and writing writing writing before coming up for air and a banana.

Wondering: How Archie can eat four Weetbix for breakfast one day and then just one grape  and three spoonfuls of yoghurt the next.

Loving: The exhausted-but-happy feeling of a day spent digging holes in the mud. Am I mad ?!

Hoping: This yuck head cold that Lee, Archie and I all have goes away soon

Thinking: About travelling around Australia in a cute caravan when the kids are a bit older. I am obsessed. I woke up in the middle of the night planning which route we will take. It's about eight years away but still! So excited.

Quilt-a-long, Week 1

So I got a bit overexcited and rushed ahead with the quiltalong. This week I'm supposed to just pick my fabrics, but I went a bit nuts and chose the fabrics, then cut out the triangles, sewed them and pressed them. I have totally caught the quilting bug and am addicted.

I also made a quilt top for another quilt too - I was planning on giving this to a friend but am totally going to keep it for myself. Because I am greedy like that.

I really want to start sewing more dresses and stuff like that. I used to be really into making clothes when I was a wannabe hippie teenager but my enthusiasm waned once I grew up and realised that my homemade fake-fur bags and rhinestones-hot-glued-to-denim ensembles actually just looked really shithouse.

Fourteen Months.

Dear Archie,

I have been thinking a lot about your little brother or sister. I'm not pregnant, but your Dad and I are planning on it at some point. You will be a great big brother, doling out cuddles and sloppy pashes to the new baby. Reading books to him and shoving food in his mouth the same way you shovel food into yours, fistfuls of porridge squashed in with a sticky little hand.

The next baby will mark the completeness of our family. But you came first, Arch, and taught us how to be parents. You demanded it. We were cracked open, vulnerable and humble. You made us realise that it is never about us, and really, it never was. We are just the stars and moon, forever pulled into your orbit. Circling around you, watching your every move like paparazzi. Bound to you with ferocious potency.

I can't even fathom feeling the same way about another baby. But I know I will. I will expand like a galaxy, filling up all the space around you and your brother or sister. Stretching and exploding like stars so that everything you both touch and breathe and think and feel is powdered with the moondust of my fierce mama love. And as the four of us all grow up and old together, we will orbit around each other like a solar system, spinning and turning and learning. Pushing away and pulling back but forever connected.

I love you, darling boy.

Love Mum