Hair.

 

So I'm going to talk very self-indulgently about my hair now, so feel free to turn away.

When I got pregnant I was stoked, obviously, and very excited and all that. And then came the whole identity crisis, where I found it hard defining myself as a mum. The whole time I was up the duff I didn't want to be too mum-ish, which led to me shaving half of my hair off in protest, because obviously I thought that being 25 and pregnant meant my relatively carefree life was over and I was on a one-way slippery dip to Kumfs and blouses from Millers. And the number one thing I wanted to avoid was mum-hair. I actually had people ask me when I was going to get it all cut off because when the baby came along I wouldn't have time to do my hair (despite the fact that I have never really been one to 'do' my hair). That put the fear in me and I have steadily been growing my hair since.

And now it is driving me nuts. I have very fine, dead straight hair that pretty much just hangs. I put in in rollers for SEVEN hours before my wedding and after an hour it looked like this (Yes, I tied my hair in a ponytail after my wedding ceremony. That's how much I don't 'do' my hair). Flatty McStraight. I hate having hair in my face and Archer loves to grab it and chow down so 99% of the time I wear in it a ponytail or topknot, so I have inadvertently ended up with mum hair anyway. So I made an appointment for this Saturday to get the chop.

My awesome hairdresser Yvette (whose name I may steal for a future child) has the same kind of hair, so she gets my drift. And hopefully she doesn't freak out when she asks what I'm having done and I say 'Something short, easy and  choppy, with some sort of fringe that isn't annoying and that required little to no maintenance, and is definitely NOT mum hair.'

Anyway. The bottom line is that hair is important in my identity, and I am getting a 'not-mum but sort of mumish' haircut. Thanks for listening, ya'll.

Splish splash!

It has been HOT here for the past week or so. I am SO over it. We have been going to the pool a fair bit, and on Saturday we went to my best friend Sam's mum's place for a swim. She grew up a few doors down from me in Warrandyte and I pretty much lived at her place over summer because she had a pool. I remember being about six and walking there on my own, but mum would watch me from the end of our driveway to make sure that I wasn't kidnapped in the 150m between our house and Sam's. And I remember baby Ben coming too sometimes with his floaties on. It is pretty special that we have been besties for over 20 years. Crazy. He has a little tiny tooth bud that I can see. It hasn't broken through yet though. I'm hoping they all bust through within a few weeks with no dramas. And I REALLY hope they don't interrupt the awesome sleeping we have had going on. I did some more tough love and got him sleeping through and he is so much happier. And the last two days he has been doing two-hour morning sleeps too, which is freaking amazeballs.

Anyway, I digress. Archer LOVES the water, so we got him in his little rash vest and speedoes and his hat, which he spend the whole time trying to take off so I fashioned a very attractive homemade strap. Poor kid. Excuse the average photos, they were taken on an underwater camera that isn't much chop. I thought about recreating the Nevermind album but didn't trust him not to poo in the pool.

That leg chub! So yum.

Five things for a Friday.

Source: wall-tattoo.co.uk via Emma on Pinterest

1. On Sunday night we went to an art opening in the Edinburgh Gardens. My best friend is an artist and is doing some work on a vacant 100-year-old plinth. It was a beautiful evening, and Archie was loving crawling around in the dirt. It was a nice reminder that it is actually possible to leave the house in a calm fashion without too much stuff. Although I did take a macadamia and pumpkin salad, a ricotta cake, baby food, a full nappy bag, cider, plates, cutlery and toys, and was slightly jealous of the cool kids carrying only a tiny vintage purse and cigarettes.

2. The other night Lee and I watched the documentary Searching for Sugarman, about the musician Sixto Rodriguez. It was great! I love docos, but keep forgetting to watch them (if that makes sense). Rodriguez released a few albums in the late 70s but they never really sold in the US. Meanwhile, in South Africa, he sold a whopping 500 million albums and was bigger than Elvis, but had no idea because the royalties never made it to him. He was a builder's labourer living in Detroit, totally unaware that he was a household name in South Africa until the doco makers contacted him. It was very well done and the soundtrack was amazing. Highly recommended.

3. Archie and I went to Ikea on Tuesday for a spending spree with my brother Ben and my friend Asher. Ben needed heaps of stuff for his bachelor-pad sharehouse and so he went nuts. I picked up a high chair for mum's place, a few frames, some bedding and a toilet brush. And on the way home from dropping Asher off a woman flagged my down in another car to tell me that my handbag was on the roof of my car. Awesome.

4. It has been so freaking hot the past few days, and it is going to be even hotter next week. I am SO over it. It is too hot to take Archie for walks or to go too many places, so we are mostly housebound, under the air con. He is a sweaty little bloke at the best of times so he gets all hot and stinky in the heat.

5. Because we have no money, I haven't bought any clothes for months, except op shop stuff and underwear. I literally wear a pair of $10 denim shorts and striped t-shirts everywhere, which is fine, but I would like to look remotely stylish occasionally. So I sucked it up and got some polkadot jeans and wait for it... another navy t-shirt. I need stuff that can survive getting spewed on, getting smeared in weetbix-caked grubby fingers, that I can get down on the floor in easily to play with blocks, and that isn't too hot. So it seems I still reverted back to jeans-and-a-t-shirt. At least the jeans are spotty?

Getting in early.

Source: mowielicious.com via Matilde on Pinterest

My birthday is on April 10, which is a bit over a month away. In the spirit of 'ask-and-ye-shall-receive' there are a few hot items that would make me a happy lady. Some practical things that I wouldn't get myself, and some things that I just WANT. Also I know that my mum and Lee reads this so... guys, you might want to bookmark this list. Just saying.

Some sort of phone charger/music player thing for the car. I know that these exist, and I actually have one in my car now, but it is way too fiddly for my liking. I am yet to find one that will play through the speakers of my old car (tape deck!) without me needing to tune it in or anything.

Subscriptions. Now that we are a 1 1/4 income family with a mortgage and kid (god that sounds boring) my magazine addiction has come to a grinding halt. But I would love a subscription to Inside Out, Real Living, or Habitus. And Anthology, Vogue Living, Belle, Living Etc, and Donna Hay. (Tangent: I once worked with Donna Hay. She is a tyrant. For the short time that I worked in the magazine office, she made someone cry every.single.day. Powerful lady, yes, but quite the bully.)

Books. Beci Orpin's new book looks rad. And I have my eye on a few cookbooks- Donna Hay's Simple Dinners, Alice Hart's Vegetarian and Yotam Ottolenghi's Plenty. I am trying to cook more exciting vego dinners (Lee is vego, I am not and Archie is not, although I can definitely foresee a day when Archie will decide that if Daddy ain't eating meat, then he won't either.)

A buttery leather jacket. I have a picture of one in my head, but I am yet to actually find it in real life. Not cropped, maybe with some panelling, not too motorbikey, quite slim fitting and not shiny. How hard can it be?

More time. This is a tricky one. I would love a day where I can sit and sew, crochet, watch Grand Designs, drink tea and actually complete some projects and be creative in a non-rushed way. Maybe in about 16 years?

Five things for a Friday.

1. Last weekend we had a lovely mini-break at Tonimbuk House, which is down in Gippsland. It was really, really, really relaxing. I was a bit worried that we would all be in one room and as such would all have to go to bed at 7pm with Archie, but he had his own room and so we all hung out, read books, did a jigsaw puzzle, caught up with Lee's family and ate good food. Bliss.

2. It was Lee's birthday on Monday. 31! When I was 20 I briefly went out with a guy who was 31, and I remember thinking he was SO OLD. And now here we are.

I only saw the birthday boy briefly as I had uni on Monday night and he was in Dandenong finishing installing a job. So I gave him his presents on Sunday night. I got him a new wallet from Status Anxiety, a nose hair trimmer ('twas necessary, especially as he is 6"2. Ain't nobody need to see those blowfly legs sticking out), and something else which hasn't arrived yet but will CHANGE HIS LIFE. My parents got him a whipper snipper. Fuck yes. You know you are an adult when you get a whipper snipper for your birthday.

We ditched the 12WBT thing for the day and I made him this tart, we ate a small slice each then moaned about how full we were and how sickly sweet it is and how it is all TOO MUCH whilst picking away at it and shoving more in our faces. My best friend was at our place when I got home from uni and she had brought Lee baklava and cheese pies. What a dame.

3. I am reading What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell. I've read all his other books and would gladly recommend them to anyone, and this book is no exception. It is a collection of his best essays for the New Yorker and New York Times over the past few years, and the essay format really suits my attention span at the moment.

4.I am trying to simplify and purge stuff from my life, partially because I know we are moving house soon and partially because I am a minimalist living a maximalist life. Clutter begone! I have cleaned out cupboards like a crazy lady, and turfed heaps of hair and face products. I have been washing my face with a castor oil and jojoba blend and with HONEY (hippie) and it has been feeling pretty good so far. I am also considering going the 'no poo' method and ditching shampoo in favour of bicarb and apple cider vinegar. We will see how that goes. My new favourite website Crunchy Betty is all about natural skincare and stuff and I am all over it.

5. On Tuesday Archie and I had the poached eggs with peas and feta at Lowlands. It was pretty freaking awesome. Archie was on fire, lots of gummy grins at the wait staff and giggling. And then yesterday we had lunch with some friends at a new-to-me place in South Morang called Two Beans and a Farm. Although when my friend texted me, it autocorrected to 'Two Beans Abducted a Farm.' Best cafe name ever. I had a super yummy steak sandwich and then a strawberry and white chocolate bread and butter pudding. Ohhh yeah. (Sorry Michelle Bridges.)

On blogging.

So, I really really really like writing here. I have a few hang-ups about it being totally self-involved and lame-o to anybody else reading, but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that people just won't read it if they don't want to. And that is okay with me. I literally just sit down at my desk, spew out some idle thoughts from inside my head, then forget about it. I have trouble remembering specific posts or the last thing I have written, as it is totally spontaneous and written on the fly. But that is all going to change, as I am getting REGULAR! (Tangent: Speaking of regular, Archie is now pooing a lot better than before, in case you were wondering (and I know you were all kept up at night wondering about my son's bowel habits)). I'm going to try something like writing about Archie and motherhood on Mondays, maybe something design-y on Wednesdays, then a bit of a week-in-review type thing on Fridays. This might only last a week before I have had enough and can't handle the PRESSURE, but I think it might be a good way to get me writing more.

So. We'll see how it goes.

And I leave you with some photos of Archie eating/demolishing. God, I love that kid.

So we literally have found the worst house in the best street.

 

So we missed out on the house we wanted by a measly five grand. Which is actually quite a bit in reality, but doesn't seem much when we are attempting to spend half a million dollars that we don't actually have on a house which would probably be a giant sinkhole sucking in all our finances for ever and ever. I was a little bit relieved, because it would have been a shitload of work. I have a feeling that the dude who bought it will bulldoze the house and put a block of units up. Bastard.

But no fear! We have our eye on another falling-down, peeling, rotting, near-condemnable dump! It is in Coburg, just off Moreland Rd. We have driven past and it looks like crap (by crap I mean AWESOME) and are going to the open for inspection tonight. I spoke to the agent on the phone and he mentioned that it is nearly a tear-down job, which makes me excited at NOT tearing it down and restoring it reminiscent of it's glory days. Anyway, it is a Californian bungalow painted bright blue, like some sort of Miami beach house transplanted into a leafy Coburg Street. And we all know I have a thing for shitty houses overzealously painted in rainbow hues (Ref Exhibit A).

And because I like to get overly emotionally attached to houses before I have even inspected them, I have found a good kindergarten and park nearby, located my nearest supermarket, mapped how long it will take to get to my best friend's house, introduced myself to the neighbours and planted some tomatoes in the yard (I jest, I jest).

We will need to look at the place, do a thorough budget of how much it will cost us to renovate, plug the numbers into our awesome "are we going to lose all our money and have to eat only baked beans fur the next 30 years" spreadsheet, which is literally titled 'Awesome Spreadsheet' on my desktop, then make an offer they can't resist.

Seriously, as if I am grown up enough for this shizzle (She says as she eats cream cheese out of the tub whilst dancing to Beyonce in a ridiculously messy kitchen).

Ten things for a Tuesday.

So, I had a bit of a blogging break for the last month. There has been lots going on, and I have been too busy living to stop and blog about it!

1. Archie was eight months old last Thursday. He is so freaking gorgeous at this age. He babbles away now and following our pattern of speech. I will ask him a question and he will respond, then ask me a question with the same intonation. Such a parrot. He had a few issues with his tummy being all blocked up, but I think that is sorted out now. He eats SO MUCH. Like it is a noticeable amount that requires more groceries to be bought.  And he is sleeping through the night about 80% of the time. Yay! His day sleeps are pretty solid too, with an ninety minute nap in the morning and two more longish naps in the afternoon. Such an awesome kid.

2. We are putting the finishing touches on our house now, as we have decided to lease it out. We are trying to buy another renovator that we have our eye on, and can hopefully swing it so we can rent this place out and not have to sell it. The other place (if we get it) makes the condemnable, dilapidated state of our last two houses look easy. It will need to be pretty much gutted and started anew. It will be LOTS of work, but will be worth it. It is a gorgeous old Californian bungalow with 8-foot ceilings and lots of trees. I really hope we get it.

3. The next few months are going to be mental. If we get this other house, we will have to style and prop our house ASAP to get it rented out, then move out to Mum and Dad's place for a few months while we build the other house up to a reasonably liveable standard. Plus the little guy will be turning one in June and is a force to be reckoned with when he is on the move. And we want to try for another kiddo too. This year is another big one. But I guess that is life, hey? If we had a quiet year with no renovations or babies or travel or house moves I would probably be bored.

4. We are doing lots of exciting things with the business. We are launching a new project soon, which will hopefully bring in a little cash and let me unleash some creativity and business skills again. I'm really excited about it!

5. Lee and I are doing Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. The name is pretty horrible so Lee and I are calling it the Healthy Living Extravaganza. My bestest mum friend, my mum and my mum's best friend doing it too, which is great as we can all be hungry and sore together. Ha! Not really (yes really). It's only Day 2 and I am hanging out for chocolate or honey toast or pizza. But once I get over the first hump it should be a bit easier. I don't really want to lose much weight, but am more into getting fitter and making healthy eating and exercise more of a habit, instead of eating five bits of toast at 11am, then a Mars Bar at the supermarket at 4pm, then a giant carby dinner followed by a Magnum. (God I would kill for a freaking Magnum right now.)

6. Lee and I have been married for 72 days now. Most of the time it feels exactly the same as being not married. I keep forgetting to wear my wedding ring and still call him my Manfriend. I think that having a baby is such a greater test for a relationship than being married. Society should encourage people to have babies before getting married, there would be waaaaaaay less divorce as you would find out pretty quickly if you are both in it for the long haul. There ain't nuthin like a midnight poo emergency to prove who's a keeper!

7. I have started making Archie a jumper for winter. My mum seems to think that Archie will get teased for having homemade clothes, but I'm pretty sure the kids at playgroup aren't going to care. It is red and grey and based on this pattern (on a sidenote, how freaky is the baby in that picture?!)

8. At the risk of sounding like a Cosmo article, I am in a bit of a wardrobe rut. I stuck some photos of pretty outfits up on the inside of my wardrobe to inspire me to wear something besides my uniform of denim shorts, striped tshirt, chuck taylors and a scarf with a messy bun. I literally wear this everyday. Sometimes I add a cardigan and leggings if it is colder, but I wear these cheapo Cotton On shorts six days a week. Actually come to think of it, that is pretty gross.

9. I just re-read this list of things that I wanted to do before my 27th birthday in April. Ha! Clearly I made it before I had a baby. 'Make Turkish delight'. 'Read a Tale of Two Cities'. 'Quit sugar'. Clearly that is a list written by a hormonal pregnant lady with no concept of how much work a baby actually is. I think I'll try to do ONE thing off the list in the next couple of months. Maybe 'Relax more'?

10. Aaaand Archie has just woken up after a 20 minute nap. Awesome.

xx

Pinspiration

While I've been on holidays, I have been going nuts on Pinterest. Lee and I are doing up his mum's bathroom soon so I've been keeping an eye out for bathroom inspiration. I still love concrete benchtops but I'm not sure if they are feasible in her place. Here are some things I have pinned lately.  

Source: doesnotcontainnuts.tumblr.com via Emma on Pinterest

Source: wright20.com via Emma on Pinterest

Source: style-files.com via Emma on Pinterest

Source: trendir.com via Emma on Pinterest

Source: style-files.com via Emma on Pinterest

Source: brwnpaperbag.com via Emma on Pinterest

Dear 2012

 

Dear 2012,

So, it would be fair to say that you were QUITE a significant year. This time last year, I was probably in the same place I am right now (sitting on the couch at my parent’s beach house at Torquay, looking out at the water and eating cherries), except this year I have a baby and a husband. My family has grown and I have grown and I have a freaking baby. A BABY.

Sometimes I look at him and wonder how on earth he got here. How nearly seven months ago he was an unknown wriggly octopus in my tummy, and nine months before that he didn’t exist at all. And now there is a new person in the world. A tiny, lumpy, squawky new person who likes sweet potato and eating books and his Nan’s silver bracelets and is stubborn and noisy and always falls asleep in the car.

You kicked my ass, 2012. The first half of the year was all pregnancy glow and baby preparations and happy fun times, and after June 7 it was all HOLY CRAP WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS/ THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.

At the four week health nurse visit, I had to fill out a form with questions like ‘How often do you feel overwhelmed?,’ How often do you have trouble sleeping?’ and ‘How often do you feel sad for no reason?’ and because I answered ‘ALL THE FREAKING TIME’ to most of the questions I got referred to a psychiatrist. I saw her three times and was reassured that occasionally regretting my decision to procreate and that sometimes having horrible thoughts towards my gorgeous new baby in the middle of the night after being awake for 40 straight hours didn’t mean that I was a terrible person.

In retrospect, I didn’t have postnatal depression, just hardcore sleep deprivation and lasting baby blues, but it was still shitty. I remember not even being able to comprehend getting to Christmas alive.

So, you know what, 2012? I kicked your ass right back. Lee and I got married and Archie is still in one piece and we are all sane and happy and alive.

Bring it on, 2013.

xx

If I should have a daughter...

I woke up this morning to the news of a shooting massacre at a primary school in Connecticut in America. Little kids were killed in front of their classmates. There are no words to express the grief and shock and horror of the situation. I have actively avoided reading more about it as it will just start the waterworks again. The little man will be getting lots of extra cuddles today.

I've had this poem by American spoken word poet Sarah Kay bookmarked for a while now. I love the line '“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior".

####

“If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”

She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.

And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”

But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.

You will put the “win” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.”

Big love xx

On marriage.

 

Lee and I have now been married for fourteen days. It is 2,078 days since we met and exactly 190 days since we became parents. Out of those three milestones, I think that being parents has had the greatest impact on our lives, but we wouldn’t be married or have a baby if we hadn’t met, so meeting and becoming a couple is probably the most significant thing that has ever happened to either of us.

After we had been going out for about three years, I started joking to Lee about getting married. It is something that I always thought would be part of my story. I was a flowergirl seven (!) times when I was younger and had planned my wedding down to the tiniest detail. So when it started coming up in conversation with Lee, I absolutely thought that he would be feeling the same.

Well. That wasn’t what happened.

Lee is one of five kids and none of them are married. Neither are his parents. It had literally never occurred to him that he would get married one day. He wasn’t anti-marriage per se, he just didn’t see the point and thought that it was a waste of time and money.

Over the next few years, we debated the issue a lot. And I realized that doing something that is essentially only a glorified party, a piece of paper, and some photos is very hard to argue for. No matter how much I explained how much it meant to me, we got stuck on the ‘but what is the point?’ argument, and I had no answer. Eventually, I came around to the idea of not getting married. I embraced a Gen Y, pro-feminist, carefree attitude towards it. And eventually, I became comfortable and happy being Lee's 'partner' and not his wife.

And then we had a baby. This tiny, perfect thing that is exactly half Lee and half me. And we began this new project together, one that will never end. I wanted to be Lee’s wife again. I wanted to wear a wedding ring and have wedding photos on the wall. And tell Archie about our wedding one day.

But part of me still believed that marriage is pretty pointless. It really is just a glorified party and an excuse to wear a pretty dress and eat fancy things. It is a collection of archaic traditions that treat women as chattel, based on Christian and, earlier, Pagan traditions that are far removed from my life. Rates of divorce are higher than they’ve ever been. De facto partnerships have pretty much the same rights as married couples these days. The Marriage Act in Australia discriminates against same-sex partnerships. There are a million reasons why we shouldn’t have gotten married.

But you know what? Knowing all this, and still taking the risk, jumping off into the unknown, defying common sense and logic and doing something for no other reason but that we love each other, makes it more special.

We got to pick and choose the traditions that mean something to us (no to name changing, bouquet tossing, garters, first dances, cheesy photo sessions, rings for Lee; yes to Dad walking me down the aisle, speeches, flowers and a fabulous white dress) and surprise all our family and friends in the backyard of a house we built, with a tribe of kids running around high on sugar and ice cream.

We got to say meaningful things to each other in front of everyone, and promise to be the best people we can be for each other, for our son and for our community. We have an awesome story to tell the grandkids and awesome photos to back it up.

I have been asked a lot in the past week 'how does it feel to be married?'. Pretty much the same, on the surface. I read this by Rebecca Wolff on one of my favourite blogs 'Girls Gone Child' (I tried to edit it but couldn't take any bits out because it is all superb) (Also she has a son called Archer and is a mind-blowingly fantastic writer and a mum and is awesome and I want to be her a bit) :

Marriage is HARD. It's hard and it's weird and it's terrifying and lonely and all of these things we do not discuss when we repeat our vows. "For better or for worse" is a little on the vague side I think.

Anyway. I was listening to this song and thinking of Hal and what it felt like in the beginning of our relationship when the biggest challenge was who was going to sleep at who's house and how nobody really fights in the beginning of relationships because everyone is too busy posing and perfuming their assholes instead of you know, farting.

Which is awesome and I totally miss that because I'm a human being and that shit was fun. And hot. And non-farty. I miss the way life used to smell when Hal was making me mix tapes and I was cooking for him every night  and we were both these people that we weren't really but WANTED to be because we thought we were better that way. We thought we were more lovable with mix tapes and four course meals and ironic sweater vests and me in the makeup I wore to sleep.

None of that exists anymore but it didn't ever anyway. That's what I've come to realize over time. That the beginning doesn't really count. The beginning is basically a total bullshit lie.

In the beginning, we made each other "happy". Now? We make each other BETTER. Happy, too, but also unhappy. Because growth hurts and the truth can be brutal and that is how we grow. That is how we grow as a couple and grow our children and that is how we grow. 

I guess now that we are hitched, I do feel like we are more cemented and equipped to focus on making each other 'better', rather than just happy. We are a solid rock ready to take on the world. 

Love ya, manfriend.

Life now.

I don't put that many photos up here, mainly because I am a pretty average photographer, and even if I do take photos, I can rarely be bothered to actually get the photos off the camera in a reasonable time frame. Anyway, the other day I took some snaps of around our place. Keep in mind that I am not a stylist or a photographer and these are totally unedited. Compared to the before photos of our house, I think the place has come up pretty freaking well.

Seven things from a married lady (!)

1. I haven't written on here for so long! Mainly because I have been flat out with secret preparations for our WEDDING! It was on Saturday and was honestly the best day of my life. I will do a big blog post when I get more time and photos, because I need time to do it all justice. So, so magical and special. I am still buzzing three days later.

2. Archie had his six month health nurse check up yesterday - he will be six months this coming Saturday. He is 8.99 kilos and 70cms, so still a big bloke. The health nurse was very impressed with how well we had gone with getting rid of the dummy and working on his sleep. He has gone from waking up every two hours and having three 30-40 minute naps a day, to going to bed at 7pm and waking at 8am, with one or two feeds during the night. She said that because he is putting on weight so well and is eating solid foods, we could probably stop his night feeds. At first I was like, yay! More sleep! But last night when I was feeding him in the dark at 3am, and he was all sleepy and warm and gorgeous and snuggly in his sleeping bag, falling asleep at the breast, I didn't want to give up that middle-of-the night special time. So we will see. I think we will wait until after January anyway to implement any routine changes as we are staying at Lee's mum this weekend, then are going up to my dad's family's Christmas in Swan Hill, then staying at Torquay after Christmas, so he might be a bit frazzled from all the bed-hopping.

3. On that note, Christmas is in exactly  three weeks today! Crap! I haven't even thought about it because I've been so focussed on the wedding, but I am realising that I better get my act together. I have got presents for my parents and Archie, and need to get something for Ben and for the Kris Kringle presents. I am making flavoured olive oils for Lee's family so have to get onto that, and there are a few crafty things I want to do to celebrate Archie's first Christmas that I can't reveal yet as my mum reads this! I also want to get a photo with Santa and Archie too. And I haven't even put the tree up yet. Agh!

4. I have a massive uni project due tonight. Gulp! I feel like I have done a half-assed job because my mind has been elsewhere, but I will be so glad to get it over and done with.

5. I have made so many awesome friends since becoming a mum. I have the playgroup mums on Fridays, who are all lovely, and gym mums on Mondays, and then other mums who I catch up with intermittently too. Plus I have made one really good mum friend who is freaking awesome and I have to restrain myself from being too full on because I basically want to be her best friend.

6. Speaking of best friends, the photographer who did our wedding was amazing. We just connected so well and got on like a house on fire. I love when you meet people who just get you, and you secretly fall in love with them a bit and want to be their best friend and want them to like you and to come over for dinner and go shopping together. Anyway, we both just hit it off and hopefully can stay in touch (I will stalk her until we are BESTIES!).

7. Mums come in lots of different flavours. Someone in our family is about to get ( I don't think 'get' is really the right word... have? take custody of? welcome?) a permanent foster son. Mind. Blown. The kid is eight, and they have no other kids. I cannot even imagine how intense it must be to one day go from having no kids and lots of spare time and no one is dependent on you, and then BANG. School pickups, dinners, rules, tidying rooms, play dates, computer games. Full on parenting. What an experience.

Ok, so this post was going to be 'Ten things from a married lady' but Little Man is chatting to himself in his cot and his yabbers are getting more insistent, so I have abridged it to seven items. More to come!

Archie's Santa Wishlist

This will be Archie's first Christmas, yay! I'm pretty sure he will have no idea what is going on, but hey, I'm still really freaking excited about playing Santa. I have to restrain myself from buying him ridiculous amounts of things, but here are a few things that Santa might bring Archie.

The Make Me Iconic wooden tram. I have wanted this for SO LONG but couldn't really justify getting it for myself. Now that I have a kid I can finally get it. It's not like Archie's going to be allowed to play with it, anyway. I used to catch one of the old W Class rattler trams along Latrobe St everyday and it made me feel like a tourist in Melbourne. The roof of this handcrafted tram comes off and there are little wooden people inside to play with. Awesome.

The Cat and Mouse Pull-Along by Lark Made. I love old-school wooden toys (and Archie seems to as well)  and this cute little cat riding a scooter would be rad for the little guy to play with.

Anything from Fable Baby. I first saw some of their stuff at a Melbourne design market and LOVE IT. I usually shy away from putting Archie in really babyish clothes, as he looked babyish for about two weeks before morphing into a tiny boy person, but these printed leggings and hand knitted jumpers are gorgeous.

This vest hoodie from Minti. That bear! The colour! The baby hand-shaped pockets! Gah.

xx

Archie at five months.

So, Archie is five months old today. I know I say this every month, but it has gone so terrifyingly fast. I remember when he was two weeks old and part of me was impatient for him to grow up and be more interactive and responsive. And now I miss when he was just a tiny little baby and would snuggle and nap all day.

He is growing so much! He can roll over on his own and holds his head up with no problem. He has completely lost his babyish looks and now looks like a real little boy. He has started to stand up with me holding him for balance, and is so strong! I have to wrestle to get him into the carseat as he stiffens his whole body and won't bend, so I poke him in the guts (or 'punch him in the breadbasket' as my brother said) so get him to fit into the seat.

His sleeping habits are pretty crap at the moment. He has about three or four 45 minute naps during the day. Occasionally he will sleep for an hour which is always exciting, but generally they are pretty short. On a good night, he goes to bed at 7pm he wakes up for a feed at about 11pm and 3am, then is up at 6am. Every morning I try to get him to sleep longer but he refuses. I think the morning light wakes him up, so I might investigate making his room darker. On a bad night, which happens about once a week, he is up every two hours throughout the night and won't settle at all. This kills me, as I get only  short snatches of sleep and am a nervous wreck by the morning. I know now why sleep deprivation is a form of torture!

We are planning on starting solid food this weekend. I have been waiting until he is definitely ready, as I didn't want to start too early but he is starting to open and close his mouth when I am eating something and to chew on anything he grabs, which are apparently signs of being ready for solids. And now that he can hold his head up better too, I think it is time. I'm kind of looking forward to it, because it will be fun seeing what he does with the food. I imagine that he will have a huge appetite, if his size and breastfeeding prowess is anything to go by.

I've been doing a bit of research and I've decided to start with pumpkin puree. Most babies start on rice cereal, but our health nurse said that you don't have to start with that necessarily; it's just that everyone has always done that so now that's the norm. And I figure that he has to eat pumpkin and other veggies eventually, so we may as well start with them. And the rice cereal has no real nutritional benefit. We don't have a high chair yet so will have to sit him in Lee's lap or something to start, until he can sit up on his own.

We had a barbecue on Saturday with some of Lee's furniture designer friends and their partners and kids. There were a four year old, a three-and-a-half year old and a two-and-a-half year old, all boys, plus an eight-month-old girl and Archer. It was really, really, really great seeing all the little boys playing together and their parents 'parenting in action'. Lee and I were talking afterwards about how it was like looking into the future and imagining our family of boys. It was good to get my head around the possibility of having two boys and realising that I could in fact be okay as a parent of just boys, as I had always imagined myself having a girl next, but seeing all the kids on Saturday made the prospect of having two gorgeous little boys seem awesome and fun and rowdy and messy and perfect.

Currently...

 

Eating I don't know if you'd call it eating, but I've been drinking green smoothies like a crazy lady. I don't have a lot of time to make proper meals so have been stuffing all sorts of things into my blender and drinking it throughout the day. This morning I had spinach, cucumber, kiwi fruit, rockmelon, lemon, ginger and chia seeds. Yummo! To balance out the healthiness of the smoothies,  I also have a massive tub of lemon curd in the fridge and have been eating spoonfuls of that.

Reading So Archie has turned into a non-sleeping little monster baby. Three people now have recommended the book Save Our Sleep to me, so I downloaded an ebook of it yesterday and as of today we are on a new routine aimed at better sleeping. Hopefully it helps little man sleep better so everyone is happier! The book aims at having two big naps and one short nap a day, rather than the 5 40-minute sleeps Archie was having before. I find it helpful to have a plan of attack, as when I'm seriously sleep deprived I get so flustered that I literally have no idea what to do to help him, so with a schedule I can clearly see what has to happen next. Finger crossed this works!

Making I started uni this week (more on that later) which is awesome but pretty freaking full on. Because I'm working as an interior designer now too, it feels a bit weird doing these huge projects and not being able to invoice at the end of them! But otherwise I have been making the cross blanket still. I have made about 40 squares and have about 100 to go.

Thinking I have no idea how anyone with more than one kid does it. Seriously. There are days when I can hardly manage to dress myself or eat  so I have no idea how anyone could manage two kids, or more. Lee is one of five kids and I honestly cannot fathom how his mum did it.

Coveting More hair. My hair is STILL falling out in massive handfuls. It is so depressing! And it has faded to this weird brassy colour, but I don't want to colour it in case more falls out. Apparently post-partum hair loss usually clams down by about 6 months. God! By then I will be totally bald. My ponytail is a little scrawny thing. I told the Health Nurse and she suggested I cut it all off, but I'm not ready for a sensible 'mum' hairdo yet!

Working on a big commercial project for uni. It is a warehouse conversion project so there is lots of room to be creative. I love this part of it, where I can come up with crazy concepts and ideas and then have to pare it all back to something realistic. I am in a new group at school because I deferred to have Archie, and this group is all at different levels which is interesting. I feel a bit like the new kid though as they are all a bit cliquey but it is only early days!

Crafty good times.

I have SO many things I want to make. Lots of ideas flittering around in my head. But I tend to start something, get bored halfway then start something else. I have lots of unfinished things shoved in drawers and boxes.

So. I am taking a stand against the unfinished things and working on only one thing at a time until it is DONE.

This is what I am working on now:

• Crochet cross quilt. I have completed about 30 out of the 150 squares needed. The enormity of it is so intimidating, but I must persevere!
• Bibs for Archie
• Turn my red dress into a skirt
• Crochet a baby vest like this one
• Doily rug (a bit like this - basically it is a giant doily pattern made with huge hooks and super thick yarn)
• Geometric quilt (inspired by this and this)
• A wooden cube necklace
• This necklace 
• These wrist warmers 
• A dress kind of like this one 
• And 589, 456, 985 other things

Ten things for a Wednesday.

 

I just wrote an epic post but then it somehow disappeared and I died inside a little bit. Gaaaaaaaaaah. So I am writing this in Word and hopefully it won’t vanish again.

1. Archie is about three and a half months old. I have stopped going by weeks now as it was getting way too confusing. He is a champion eater and a pretty good sleeper. The sunny mornings have meant he is wide awake by 6.30, which is just a little bit too early for my liking! He goes down to sleep well though and has good naps in the day. He is showing so much personality now. I think he will be relaxed like his dad but talkative like his mum!
2. My friend Blaise just got engaged! Yay! She and her fiancé (!) are living in London at the moment but will be back home in about a year. I love weddings!
3. It is my cousin Jessica’s 3^rd birthday today. Happy birthday Jess! I am really close to my auntie Jac and I love that our kids are going to grow up together. Jessica loves cuddling and kissing ‘Baby Archie’ and I can see them dressing up and playing together when they are older.
4. I have been going to a ‘CryBaby’ exercise class for the past few Mondays. It is a pretty daggy 80s style aerobics class complete with grapevines and high kicks, but it is aimed at new mums. I can take Archie is in the pram and he lays next to me while I jump around and do sit ups and stuff. All the mums catch up for a coffee afterwards too which is lovely.

5. I made these salted choc-chip cookies with Nutella filling the other day. Oh my god. They are amazing, but kind of sickly. I can only eat one at a time. The downside (upside?) is that I now have half a jar of Nutella staring deliciously at me from the pantry. I tried to hide it from myself on a high shelf. Ha! That lasted about eight minutes before I climbed on the bench to get it down and scoop out a mouthful. Can’t believe I just admitted that on the internet.

6. On Sunday Lee declared that he felt like a trip to Ikea. I was gobsmacked, as he hates Ikea usually. He rants about how no one wants handmade furniture anymore because Ikea champions mass-produced, disposable crap. I am partial to a bit of Swedish goodness and think that Ikea makes good design accessible to people who may not usually care about the aesthetics of an object. Anyway, off we went. We picked up a few things (glasses, drawer dividers, a plastic bag holder) but the BEST thing was Ikea’s breastfeeding room. It is a secret little hidden corner of the restaurant with privacy panels, a comfy chair, TWO cushions, a blanket, toys and chairs for bigger kids and a stack of magazines, including the new Vogue Living. Go Ikea!

7. I can’t stop thinking about missing woman Jill Meagher. I have been to the Brunswick Green loads of times and the area around there feels perfectly safe. Horrible horrible horrible stuff.

8. Since we brought in austerity measures (no buying coffee, more cooking at home, no buying clothes (me) or tools (Lee), no wasting water or electricity) all I want to do is buy EVERYTHING. I spend way too long adding things to online shopping baskets then quickly closing the laptop before I buy all of Asos. I want new Hasbeens and a new dress and a new couch and a rug for the living room and and and…

9. I have working a bit more, doing the interior for a medical centre in Heidelberg. It’s a bit fancier than a standard office fitout and there’s a few more considerations like coved skirting and accessibility, but I’m loving working again. Especially as I get to work with my dad for the first time and we work in similar go-hard-or-go-home ways.

10. We got turf laid in the back and front yards last week. It makes such a difference to the feel of the place. No more mud! It’s so nice to be able to lay on the grass with Archie, just in time for spring. I’m looking forward to a summer of lazing under the fig tree, walks around the lake and alfresco dinners!

Em x 

Three months.

If you'd asked me a year ago to picture what life would be like now, my description would have been pretty far from the reality of right now. It is a year since I got pregnant and so much has changed in that time. I have been ripped open - literally and emotionally - and had my entire world turned upside down by a tiny (by tiny I mean huge) wriggly kidlet. Who ever thought that a little person who can't even control his own arms and who farts and burps like a tradesman would have such power over me! Before I had Archie, I told myself that I would always still be myself, make sure I had time for my own interests, would try bottle feeding so I can get some time away from the baby and would make time for Lee. Pffft. As if that has happened. Any time I get to myself I end up looking at photos of Archie on my phone and wondering what he is doing. My own interests involve doing design work while feeding him and sneaking in some sneaky crochet in the 20 minutes between Archie going to bed and me falling asleep on the couch. We tried expressing and bottle feeding so I could have a morning on my own, but I missed Archie so much that I came home after an hour. I miss him while he is asleep and sneak in to watch him snort and yabber in his sleep. He is really becoming a person now, instead of a little wiggly blob. He can clearly recognise faces and is quick to smile at anyone. We had a doctors appointment the other day and the doctor said, "Ooooh, he's a big flirt!" as he was grinning and batting his lashes at the receptionists and had them all wrapped around his little finger. Such a charmer! He can grab at the toys on his dangly activity mat thing. He has fallen in love with a lion toy called Ryan, and will lay down and chat to Ryan for ages.

His hair is growing longer, but he still has a little newborn tuft on top of his head. He looks like a chubbier version of Alfalfa from Little Rascals (blast from the past!). What a spunk.

I have been making more of an effort to get out a bit more, especially as the weather is getting nicer. I have made a few other mum friends which is so awesome, as this is such a full on experience that it is so reassuring to talk to other young mums who are in the same boat.

Some pics of the little monkey: