Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was my first Mother's Day, so it was kind of a big deal. When I was little, I would go to the Mother's Day stall held in the multipurpose hall at my primary school and get mum a flowery mug stuffed with cheap lollies, or some stinky soap in the shape of tiny blue shells, wrapped in an embroidered hanky. I'm pretty sure I never gave much thought to the meaning behind it. All it meant was that mum got breakfast in bed and a present, then she fed us and cleaned up and loved us just like any other day.

And yesterday? It was kind of the same. Lee made bacon and caramelised walnut pancakes, and I got a card from Archie. It was a lovely morning.  Then came the flurry of snot and tears and nappies and blocks and  tiny spoons and socks like every other day. And I realised that this minutiae is the real mothering stuff. Syringing baby Panadol into a sobbing mouth at 3am with one hand. Huge snotty smiles. Staying close to me in a crowd. Finding six plastic spoons and a wooden cow in my handbag. Googling 'baby stomach rash' during lunch.

I read somewhere that the original meaning of Mother's Day came about when an American suffragette founded a special day for mothers to oppose war. That woman, Anna Jarvis, gave birth to eleven children, but seven died in childhood. Imagine. How could you not be a heap on the floor, broken into a million billion pieces forever. It kills me that there are mothers walking around everyday who are grieving babies who didn't make it, mothers with chronically ill babies in the NICU, mothers who have had nine miscarriages, mothers whose bodies can't bear children, mothers who desperately want a baby but haven't met the right person. This whole womanhood gig is filled with heartache and pain and love. The collective love and pain and anxiety of every other mother who has had a human being pulled or pushed from her body. Breathed in the scent of her baby. Grieved for a baby. Soothed a sobbing child in the middle of the night.

I missed my mum yesterday. She is only in Singapore, and gets back on Wednesday, but I still missed her. And I thought of all the mums who are missing their own mothers on mother's day. Even though my mum was only a phone call away, I felt untethered and frantic and uncomfortable. I hope that Archer can always find my legs in a room to bury his face in, will call me with happy or sad or no news, will feel the sheer brute strength of my love and the collective love of all the mothers in the world. I hope that he can tether himself to me and know that he will always be able to find his way home.

Photos by The Itchy Eyes

Legs eleven.

Dear Archer,

ELEVEN MONTHS. How did we get here?

You have assembled quite the bag of tricks now. Waving (usually after the person has left, but hey, you'll get there), blowing on hot food, standing wobble-legged on your own, doling out sloppy kisses and feeding yourself. You love to clamber up for cuddles and drag over toys or rocks or food to show me, offering them up with sticky hands, a gummy grin and stream of drool.

You are a champion sleeper, my boy. Hopefully that sees you through to adulthood and you don't jolt awake at the tiniest sound or lay wide-eyed in the wee hours next to your wife or husband and yearn for sleep. You go to bed at 7pm on the dot, and we don't usually hear from you until about 5.30am when you dad's alarm wakes up the whole house.

And nice work on the naps too, little man. Your morning sleep is a rock-solid hour and a half or sometimes two hours, and I am an efficiency machine during that time - writing, studying, cleaning, showering, eating, cooking and peeing on my own for the last time until your dad comes home. You usually have another hour or so in the afternoon to get you through the dinner/bath/books/boob/bed routine, then pass out in your cot, sleepy-eyed and floppy.

The epic bread-bun arms are still there, but you have lost the chunky baby fat and are becoming a little boy. Your hair is getting so long that it tickles your ears and you swat madly at it with flailing arms, before sticking a finger in your ear like a crazes archaeologist  And still just three teeth, but those three teeth are big and white and can do damage. You have the appetite of a burly 17-year-old teenager, and love eating sultanas, porridge, Cruskits, broccoli, chicken pieces, apples, yoghurt and blueberries. Yesterday I was feeling virtuous and made a dozen veggie rissoles that I thought would be your lunch for the next week- until you ate six of them in one sitting.

All the food is fuelling your mad race-crawling adventures around the house, thud-clunking with a toy in one hand, pulling yourself up on the couch and snuffling into the cushions in a frenzy of adrenaline. Any time you see something soft on the floor - a pillow, my handbag, a teddy, the cat - you dramatically put your head down to go nigh-nigh, and then crack up laughing. You still get a bit shy around new people, and prefer to stay close to me, but once you warm up will climb up on anyone's lap for a cuddle.

The next update will be your one year. I can't quite believe we survived this long, you and me. But what an adventure it has been.

I love you, little man.

Love,

Mum

Five Things for a Friday

1. My Mum is leaving today to go to Europe for three weeks for a jaunty cruise with my grandma. I am (not so) secretly freaking out. I talk to her four times a day and rely on her for babysitting and morale support. I think I might have to just grow some balls and man up.

2. Last weekend we went to the Collingwood Children's Farm AGAIN because I love that place. Although this time it was crazy busy because the market was on and there were people everywhere. I had a fab breakfast with some lovely ladies and Archie was a relaxed little dude.

Until... we went to look at the animals and he got bitten by a gigantic rooster that was bigger than him. We have not had a good run with poultry these past few weeks. Little baby fingers must look so much like tiny, delicious worms.

3. There are a few things around these parts that need changing up, mainly my lack of proper income and Lee working a gazillion hours a week. And when you add the whole leasing our house/moving to Mum and Dad's/renovating the brand new money pit thing, plus that tiny human that hangs around me all the time and the possibility of having another tiny human, it was high time for some PLANNING! Lee and I (actually mostly me) love a bit of planning, as it can temporarily convince us that we have our shit sorted. On Wednesday we have a brainstorming session (god this sounds so wanky) and decided that the main things we want to do are to get me involved in the business more and Lee to have some time each week with Archie. So now we have to do some hardcore time management organising shizzle and figure out how the hell we are going to make this happen whilst paying two mortgages and renovating a house. WOOP.

4. On Wednesday morning I woke up with the horrible stay-at-home-mum feeling of "I actually have NO activities on for today." On days when I am home alone with Archer all day, by 3pm I am literally counting down the minutes until Lee gets home so I can pee and shower and hide in the bedroom on my own for TEN FREAKING MINUTES.

So anyway, we decided to go to the playground at Edinburgh Gardens, which was actually freaking awesome. Arch is still a bit young to get the whole playground thing but he went on the slide and crawled around chasing pigeons and eating tan bark. Then we got hungry so walked to Phat Brats on Brunswick Street and GOD it was good. I had a lamb and rosemary sausage on wholemeal bread, topped with coleslaw, mashed peas and crumbled fetta. Most of the peas and fetta got swiped by my sidekick, but on the whole it was super yum. I also met another mum with a 2-year-old called Felix, and we had a great chat about how your relationships change after you have kids, and how hard it is, and whether I should wean at 12 months or not. That's one of the things I love about this motherhood gig, that you have an instant connection to other first-time mums because you all have this OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING vibe. We are like scientists conducting a huge experiment with high stakes and we are all equally under-qualified for the job.

After lunch we went and visited Lee at a job he was finishing in Carlton. It is an apartment for a semi-famous architect, and I met him and chatted about the sense of space in art deco buildings and I surprised myself with how much I knew on the topic. Feeling all pro designer fancy business lady, and then Archie started trying to eat all the books on the bookshelf and I switched back into mum mode. Thanks darling.

5. Last night, Lee and I had a date to see Postsecret Live at Hamer Hall. I have sporadically read the Post Secret site over the years and always loved the concept. People send in anonymous handmade postcards to this guy Frank Warren's house with secrets on them. There are all sorts, from mundane stuff to really intense confessions. Anyway, last night we saw Frank speak about the 500,000+ secrets that have arrived at his house, and then the audience could come up and share their secrets. It got pretty heavy but I left feeling really connected to my fellow humans. We really are all in this together (thanks, Ben Lee).

Music for Archie.

Kid's music makes me crazy. I am not a fan. Granted, Archie is only 10 months old so we haven't really delved into the world of the Wiggles and whatnot, but I am going to try my hardest to avoid that for as long as possible. I read this article about music for kids the other day and it has stuck in my mind. The little guy has his own playlist that we play all day and sing along and dance to. He bops his little head and wiggles his bum. I have tried to choose music with simple melodies and easy lyrics. Thankfully my epic collection of early 60s and Motown music is perfect for little ears. He also loves Feist, Lily Allen and First Aid Kit. Here are some of Archie's faves:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku5UeUT7yIQ]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=425GpjTSlS4]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUYaosyR4bE]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho7796-au8U]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABYnqp-bxvg]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj0Rz-uP4Mk]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qORYO0atB6g]

Double digits.

Dear Archer,

Ten months! You have hit double digits. Congratulations, kiddo! The past month has been a whirlwind of learning and developing. You are much more confident with pulling yourself up, and have just started standing up in your cot which is GREAT (not). I pin you down with the blankets and by the time I am at the door you are standing up and waving at me. Eventually your legs give way and you conk out and fall sleep wherever you were standing. You have pulled down the bunting and pictures around your cot and stick your arms out trying to reach the curtain too.

You are such a BOY, and rarely does a day go by when you don't end up filthy and covered in dirt. Just this morning you managed to get your whole face covered in Vegemite, right up to your hair, and all over your hands right up to your (second) elbows. Minutes after I cleaned you off, you crawled into the wet shower and got saturated, then crawled out the door and got covered in dirt.

I can see a bit of your temper coming out, which might turn into tantrums soon. You get visibly angry and frustrated sometimes, especially if you are waiting in the high chair for food. You throw spoons, bang the tray, scrunch up your little face and bellow and spit at me. It is a bit terrifying but mostly still cute.

You love pulling everything out of my handbag, pulling books off the bookshelf (and ripping the pages out), crawling on the grass, having a shower with Dad, Vegemite toast, and Dave and Layla. You LOVE daddy's guitars, music and dancing. You don't like eggs in any form, plums, being in the car for too long and people wearing sunglasses.

On Saturday night the three of us went out for pizza at the place around the corner that made the pizzas for our wedding. You were perfect, sitting up and yabbering away. You had your first taste of pizza, and loved it. There was a family with three little girls sitting nearby and you were cracking up and giggling as they pulled funny faces at you.

Lee has taught you how to turn lightswitches on and off, which makes you very proud. Except you have just figured out the you can also turn powerpoints on and off, and the dishwasher, and the TV. I couldn't figure out why the dishwasher would turn itself on randomly for no reason, or stop halfway through a cycle, until I realised that you reach up and press the buttons yourself. Mama's little (un)helper!

I think you will stand properly on your own soon. You can stand for a few seconds before reaching out for balance. I love how you reach out for me and climb up in my lap for a cuddle, and give big, sloppy open-mouthed kisses with a cascading drool waterfall all over my face.

Yesterday was the six year anniversary of when your Dad and I met. It seems strange that you weren't in existence all that time ago. But maybe you were. There is a poem I have read about this very thing, about being a speck in my mother's hair the night her and my father first danced, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. You are part of both of us, and yet entirely your own person.

I love you, little man.

Love,

Mum

First tooth.

So the Easter Bunny hooked up with the Tooth Fairy and brought Archie a tooth on Easter Sunday. It was relatively crisis-free, excluding a few crankypants moments on Saturday afternoon.

And now I live in fear of every feed. He has already mastered whacking me in the face with his bowl, pinching and twisting the skin on my neck, stomping on my tummy, headbutting me in the nose with his massive noggin and clawing my eyes out. Imagine putting your nipple in a piranha's mouth for ten minutes several times a day. CHOMP.

Wish me luck, peeps.

Five things for a Friday.

So apparently shoes belong in the mouth, not on the feet. Der Mum.

1. I had lunch with Tess yesterday at Miss Marmalade in Brunswick. It was yum! And there's a good little space out the back with toys and carpet and high chairs for babies to go wild and hang out together. Afterwards I drove past our new house (yay!) and we had a quick look at the little park at the end of the street. I cannot WAIT to move there. I know I keep going on about the location, but is 100 metres from Brunswick Library, the Brunswick Baths, the Retreat, two kinders, a maternal and child health centre, lots of friends houses,  stacks of cafes, Royal Park and trams. For someone who grew up within walking distance of NOTHING (except my best friend's house) and had to drive everywhere, this is very exciting.

2. We are chook and cat-sitting this weekend for a friend who lives around the corner. I'm preeeeeeetty excited about that. We had chooks when I was a kid and I definitely want to get them again one day. I think it's great for kids to grow up with as much messy, real, sustainable stuff as possible. I'm also dead-set on getting beehives too. And we were compensated with a stack of Swiss chocolate, so yay!

3. I'm reading two books from the library at the moment. One day I might actually read some fiction again, but for now it's still baby books. The first is called Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali, and it is actually really awesome. I wish I had read it when I was pregnant and could refer to it in the crazy early days after Archie was born when I was unravelling slightly. It's not woo-woo and too spiritual, but has basic, centred advice about dealing with the chaos of babies and kids and the struggle with selflessness and loving your baby so much you actually worry that you might eat him. (But those arms are so scrumptious!)

The other book is called Mothers Raising Sons by Nigel Latta. It's okay, so far. Lots of stuff about the differences and similarities between boys and girls. It's not that relevant now, but might become more important when I have a smelly, grunty teenage boy and no idea how to communicate with him.

4. Today is Good Friday, and NOTHING is open. Lee is working today and Monday, so Easter it is a bit of a non-event for us, although Archie might have his first taste of chocolate on Sunday, depending on how generous I'm feeling. Lee's sister, her partner and their foster son are staying tonight and I had grand plans of making a yummy Thai salad with satay dressing. YUM. But, all the supermarkets and shops are shut.  I totally didn't realise that everything actually shuts (first world problem). So I think we will be having some sort of pasta dish with minimal vegies as there is not much food in the house. GOOD ORGANISING, CLARK.

5. I went to yoga last night! There is a little fitness studio place across the road and I got a flyer last week advertising yoga classes on Thursday nights. It was so, so good to actually do some intentional movement that isn't just lugging around a massive wriggly baby or half-assed stretching. Feeling a bit achey today but it's good pain.

Poor-to-average mothering.

So I think overall I am a pretty awesome mum. Archie is happy, healthy, stimulated and loved; I am sane and reasonably well-adjusted; I still manage to get dressed most days and sometimes I even wear lipstick. Ticking the boxes.

However. There are some days when I am a poor-to-average mother. I just can't get it together, can't think of any fun activities, the house is a mess, we have no food, etc etc. So in the spirit of full disclosure, here are some things that I have done that probably won't be winning me Mother of the Year.

Eating non-food. Babies like to put everything in their mouths. Obviously I would like the majority of the things that Archie eats to be food, but alas, there are a few things that get passed my eagle (more like blind as a bat) eyes into his sloppy chops. These include: bird poo, a dead fly, a thumbtack (yes, I know, I nearly crapped myself), a big hunk of dirt, rocks, grass, food off the floor under his high chair, handfuls of cat hair and a rotten tomato.

Cutting nails. Cutting his nails scares the crap outta me. It is literally like performing microsurgery on a tiny, wriggly, clammy octopus, while three other octopuses trying to grab the surgical equipment. So sometimes he grows claws that would rival Wolverine.

Forgetting to feed him. I can't remember if I have written about this before, but a few weeks ago Archie was super grumpy and whiny for no apparent reason. I couldn't figure out why he was making such a fuss about going down for his afternoon nap, before realising that I hadn't actually given him lunch and he hadn't eaten for seven hours. I am actually blushing from shame just writing this.

Exploiting the baby. Sometimes, when he is really sad and cranky, I take photos of him before picking him up. Because he pulls ridiculous faces when he is sad. And it is a bit funny.

Germs. I am pretty (extremely) relaxed about germs and cleanliness at the best of times, but you would think that having a tiny baby with a crap immune system would spur me into action with Purell and handwipes at the ready. Not so. This kid will either have the immune system of an ox, or get every gastro bug around due to his mother's average hygiene standards.

The brushing of the non-existent teeth. Apparently you are supposed to clean babies gums daily with a facewasher even before they have teeth. I have done this once, about six weeks ago.

Nine months (and two weeks)

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago when Archie hit the nine month mark, but forgot to publish it then. Dear Archer,

You are nine months old today. That means that you have been here for as long as you were growing inside my tummy. It has gone very fast, and sometimes I feel sad thinking about how you aren't a tiny scrunched-up little smelly-necked bean anymore. But then I look at your huge blue eyes and get excited about the little boy that you are becoming. Your dad and I are have finally gotten the hang of this whole parenting gig and have found our groove. We are growing up, you and I. I can confidently tell how you are feeling and I'm learning to slooooow down when you need it.

You have learned to wave, and high five, and are getting the hang of using a spoon. Last night you were crawling around aimlessly, then I came around a corner and you broke into a huge grin and came barrelling towards me. I laughed and waved and you stopped, steadied yourself on one arm, then flapped your right arm ferociously with a huge beaming smile. My heart melted.

We have been teaching you how to clap, and you clasp your hands together and shake them around proudly. You still haven't mastered the fact that you need to separate your hands to clap, but your cute victory clasp is getting lots of smiles and cheers from your dad and I.

Your are definitely making your opinions known to everyone now, and boy, do you have opinions. You do not like your sleeping bag, waiting more than three seconds in the high chair without food, avocado, crawling on long grass (prickly!), getting stuck in corners, and sitting still. You love eating whole nectarines, peaches and pears, using a spoon, waving and high fives, being outside, your nan and having a shower with your dad. You can demolish a ripe peach in seconds, but will happily play with a handful of disposable spoons and an empty ice-cube tray for 40 minutes.

The baby books tell me that about this age you might get a bit hesitant around strangers, and I can see it a little bit now. You bury your head and smile shyly when someone new talks to you. You climb all over me as soon as we sit on the floor, and prefer to just sit in my lap and smile than to stray too far. I do kind of love it though, because the little snuggles won't last forever once you are walking. I think it will be soon, as you are already cruising around, holding onto the couch and my legs.

I can see more of your dad in you every day. You are a little mini Lee, and I can see you as a toddler wanting to help him with everything. "And me, Dad?" We watched Lee mow the lawn the other day and I had to restrain you from crawling out across the lawn and 'helping'. Your eyes light up and you start flapping and shrieking with excitement when you hear your dad's car pull up in the evenings.

I love you, little man. May you grow up with a tough mind, and a warm heart. Work hard. Then a bit harder. Travel. Be a good boyfriend. Don't be afraid of your emotions. Live large and messily. Make mistakes. Be on time. And be confident that we will always have your back.

Love,

Mum

Splish splash!

It has been HOT here for the past week or so. I am SO over it. We have been going to the pool a fair bit, and on Saturday we went to my best friend Sam's mum's place for a swim. She grew up a few doors down from me in Warrandyte and I pretty much lived at her place over summer because she had a pool. I remember being about six and walking there on my own, but mum would watch me from the end of our driveway to make sure that I wasn't kidnapped in the 150m between our house and Sam's. And I remember baby Ben coming too sometimes with his floaties on. It is pretty special that we have been besties for over 20 years. Crazy. He has a little tiny tooth bud that I can see. It hasn't broken through yet though. I'm hoping they all bust through within a few weeks with no dramas. And I REALLY hope they don't interrupt the awesome sleeping we have had going on. I did some more tough love and got him sleeping through and he is so much happier. And the last two days he has been doing two-hour morning sleeps too, which is freaking amazeballs.

Anyway, I digress. Archer LOVES the water, so we got him in his little rash vest and speedoes and his hat, which he spend the whole time trying to take off so I fashioned a very attractive homemade strap. Poor kid. Excuse the average photos, they were taken on an underwater camera that isn't much chop. I thought about recreating the Nevermind album but didn't trust him not to poo in the pool.

That leg chub! So yum.

On the move.

Archie is on the move. He is climbing up everything, crawling like a maniac, and pulling himself up to standing IN HIS SLEEP. Last night he called out at 4am, and I went in to his room and he was standing in his cot hanging onto the rails, still asleep. Awesome. I put him back down and he woke up and started crying, so I fed him and he would have a little mouthful of milk then try and climb up me to stand up again. It's like he's thinking, 'MUM! I don't lie down anymore, remember? I only stand! IT'S JUST WHAT I DO!'

Fun nights ahead!

(Also, on a sidenote, a very very dear friend of mine is doing something very very special today. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WOMAN. I love you and wish I was there!)

On blogging.

So, I really really really like writing here. I have a few hang-ups about it being totally self-involved and lame-o to anybody else reading, but I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that people just won't read it if they don't want to. And that is okay with me. I literally just sit down at my desk, spew out some idle thoughts from inside my head, then forget about it. I have trouble remembering specific posts or the last thing I have written, as it is totally spontaneous and written on the fly. But that is all going to change, as I am getting REGULAR! (Tangent: Speaking of regular, Archie is now pooing a lot better than before, in case you were wondering (and I know you were all kept up at night wondering about my son's bowel habits)). I'm going to try something like writing about Archie and motherhood on Mondays, maybe something design-y on Wednesdays, then a bit of a week-in-review type thing on Fridays. This might only last a week before I have had enough and can't handle the PRESSURE, but I think it might be a good way to get me writing more.

So. We'll see how it goes.

And I leave you with some photos of Archie eating/demolishing. God, I love that kid.

Ten things for a Tuesday.

So, I had a bit of a blogging break for the last month. There has been lots going on, and I have been too busy living to stop and blog about it!

1. Archie was eight months old last Thursday. He is so freaking gorgeous at this age. He babbles away now and following our pattern of speech. I will ask him a question and he will respond, then ask me a question with the same intonation. Such a parrot. He had a few issues with his tummy being all blocked up, but I think that is sorted out now. He eats SO MUCH. Like it is a noticeable amount that requires more groceries to be bought.  And he is sleeping through the night about 80% of the time. Yay! His day sleeps are pretty solid too, with an ninety minute nap in the morning and two more longish naps in the afternoon. Such an awesome kid.

2. We are putting the finishing touches on our house now, as we have decided to lease it out. We are trying to buy another renovator that we have our eye on, and can hopefully swing it so we can rent this place out and not have to sell it. The other place (if we get it) makes the condemnable, dilapidated state of our last two houses look easy. It will need to be pretty much gutted and started anew. It will be LOTS of work, but will be worth it. It is a gorgeous old Californian bungalow with 8-foot ceilings and lots of trees. I really hope we get it.

3. The next few months are going to be mental. If we get this other house, we will have to style and prop our house ASAP to get it rented out, then move out to Mum and Dad's place for a few months while we build the other house up to a reasonably liveable standard. Plus the little guy will be turning one in June and is a force to be reckoned with when he is on the move. And we want to try for another kiddo too. This year is another big one. But I guess that is life, hey? If we had a quiet year with no renovations or babies or travel or house moves I would probably be bored.

4. We are doing lots of exciting things with the business. We are launching a new project soon, which will hopefully bring in a little cash and let me unleash some creativity and business skills again. I'm really excited about it!

5. Lee and I are doing Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. The name is pretty horrible so Lee and I are calling it the Healthy Living Extravaganza. My bestest mum friend, my mum and my mum's best friend doing it too, which is great as we can all be hungry and sore together. Ha! Not really (yes really). It's only Day 2 and I am hanging out for chocolate or honey toast or pizza. But once I get over the first hump it should be a bit easier. I don't really want to lose much weight, but am more into getting fitter and making healthy eating and exercise more of a habit, instead of eating five bits of toast at 11am, then a Mars Bar at the supermarket at 4pm, then a giant carby dinner followed by a Magnum. (God I would kill for a freaking Magnum right now.)

6. Lee and I have been married for 72 days now. Most of the time it feels exactly the same as being not married. I keep forgetting to wear my wedding ring and still call him my Manfriend. I think that having a baby is such a greater test for a relationship than being married. Society should encourage people to have babies before getting married, there would be waaaaaaay less divorce as you would find out pretty quickly if you are both in it for the long haul. There ain't nuthin like a midnight poo emergency to prove who's a keeper!

7. I have started making Archie a jumper for winter. My mum seems to think that Archie will get teased for having homemade clothes, but I'm pretty sure the kids at playgroup aren't going to care. It is red and grey and based on this pattern (on a sidenote, how freaky is the baby in that picture?!)

8. At the risk of sounding like a Cosmo article, I am in a bit of a wardrobe rut. I stuck some photos of pretty outfits up on the inside of my wardrobe to inspire me to wear something besides my uniform of denim shorts, striped tshirt, chuck taylors and a scarf with a messy bun. I literally wear this everyday. Sometimes I add a cardigan and leggings if it is colder, but I wear these cheapo Cotton On shorts six days a week. Actually come to think of it, that is pretty gross.

9. I just re-read this list of things that I wanted to do before my 27th birthday in April. Ha! Clearly I made it before I had a baby. 'Make Turkish delight'. 'Read a Tale of Two Cities'. 'Quit sugar'. Clearly that is a list written by a hormonal pregnant lady with no concept of how much work a baby actually is. I think I'll try to do ONE thing off the list in the next couple of months. Maybe 'Relax more'?

10. Aaaand Archie has just woken up after a 20 minute nap. Awesome.

xx

Archie at six months.

So, the little man turned six months old on the 7th of December. Half a year! God. I feel like I just gave birth yesterday. I wonder at what point I can stop using 'But I just had a baby!' as an excuse...

He has such a little personality. He is stubborn like his father but SO NOISY (which is not like Lee AT ALL). We have been feeding him solid foods for a few weeks now, and there seems to be no middle ground with his hunger. He is either super keen and gobbles down literally a whole cupful of food, or he doesn't want anything and will clamp his mouth shut and stare me down in a battle of wills. We are doing a bit of a combo of baby-led feeding and purees, so I give him pureed food then a chunk of something too. This morning I gave him a chunk ofpeach and he loved it - squished it up and smeared it all over himself. 

His sleeping habits had totally turned to rubbish, with feeding more at night than in the day and being grumpy all the time. So I got all Tough Love Mama and let him yell. I figured that it was best to nip the bad sleep habits in the bud before he is old enough to stand or sit up and properly miss me, and the health nurse said that a six-month-old baby doesn't really need food during the night, especially as he has more than doubled his birth weight and is clearly a very healthy little chunker. 

It was absolutely heartbreaking to listen to, but I consoled myself by reading studies on how sleep training is NOT bad for babies and is better in the long run. I kept telling myself that we aren't doing it TO him, but we are doing it FOR him. 

Anyway, the first night he woke up three times and cried for about 45 minutes each time. I went in after 5 minutes of crying, to calm him down a bit and flip him back over if he was on his tummy. It was a pretty horrendous night, but the next day he seemed happy and had two two-hour naps, which is unheard of.

And it has totally paid off, as the next night he work up twice and cried for 15 minutes each time, and last night he SLEPT THROUGH. Ohhh yeah. He woke up at 5am ready for the day, so I fed him and he fell back asleep until 7.30am. And then went back down for a nap at 10am and is still asleep now at 11.45. He is happier and smilier and calmer than usual too. Parenting WIN!

If I should have a daughter...

I woke up this morning to the news of a shooting massacre at a primary school in Connecticut in America. Little kids were killed in front of their classmates. There are no words to express the grief and shock and horror of the situation. I have actively avoided reading more about it as it will just start the waterworks again. The little man will be getting lots of extra cuddles today.

I've had this poem by American spoken word poet Sarah Kay bookmarked for a while now. I love the line '“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior".

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“If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”

She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.

And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”

But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.

You will put the “win” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.”

Big love xx

Seven things from a married lady (!)

1. I haven't written on here for so long! Mainly because I have been flat out with secret preparations for our WEDDING! It was on Saturday and was honestly the best day of my life. I will do a big blog post when I get more time and photos, because I need time to do it all justice. So, so magical and special. I am still buzzing three days later.

2. Archie had his six month health nurse check up yesterday - he will be six months this coming Saturday. He is 8.99 kilos and 70cms, so still a big bloke. The health nurse was very impressed with how well we had gone with getting rid of the dummy and working on his sleep. He has gone from waking up every two hours and having three 30-40 minute naps a day, to going to bed at 7pm and waking at 8am, with one or two feeds during the night. She said that because he is putting on weight so well and is eating solid foods, we could probably stop his night feeds. At first I was like, yay! More sleep! But last night when I was feeding him in the dark at 3am, and he was all sleepy and warm and gorgeous and snuggly in his sleeping bag, falling asleep at the breast, I didn't want to give up that middle-of-the night special time. So we will see. I think we will wait until after January anyway to implement any routine changes as we are staying at Lee's mum this weekend, then are going up to my dad's family's Christmas in Swan Hill, then staying at Torquay after Christmas, so he might be a bit frazzled from all the bed-hopping.

3. On that note, Christmas is in exactly  three weeks today! Crap! I haven't even thought about it because I've been so focussed on the wedding, but I am realising that I better get my act together. I have got presents for my parents and Archie, and need to get something for Ben and for the Kris Kringle presents. I am making flavoured olive oils for Lee's family so have to get onto that, and there are a few crafty things I want to do to celebrate Archie's first Christmas that I can't reveal yet as my mum reads this! I also want to get a photo with Santa and Archie too. And I haven't even put the tree up yet. Agh!

4. I have a massive uni project due tonight. Gulp! I feel like I have done a half-assed job because my mind has been elsewhere, but I will be so glad to get it over and done with.

5. I have made so many awesome friends since becoming a mum. I have the playgroup mums on Fridays, who are all lovely, and gym mums on Mondays, and then other mums who I catch up with intermittently too. Plus I have made one really good mum friend who is freaking awesome and I have to restrain myself from being too full on because I basically want to be her best friend.

6. Speaking of best friends, the photographer who did our wedding was amazing. We just connected so well and got on like a house on fire. I love when you meet people who just get you, and you secretly fall in love with them a bit and want to be their best friend and want them to like you and to come over for dinner and go shopping together. Anyway, we both just hit it off and hopefully can stay in touch (I will stalk her until we are BESTIES!).

7. Mums come in lots of different flavours. Someone in our family is about to get ( I don't think 'get' is really the right word... have? take custody of? welcome?) a permanent foster son. Mind. Blown. The kid is eight, and they have no other kids. I cannot even imagine how intense it must be to one day go from having no kids and lots of spare time and no one is dependent on you, and then BANG. School pickups, dinners, rules, tidying rooms, play dates, computer games. Full on parenting. What an experience.

Ok, so this post was going to be 'Ten things from a married lady' but Little Man is chatting to himself in his cot and his yabbers are getting more insistent, so I have abridged it to seven items. More to come!

Archie's Santa Wishlist

This will be Archie's first Christmas, yay! I'm pretty sure he will have no idea what is going on, but hey, I'm still really freaking excited about playing Santa. I have to restrain myself from buying him ridiculous amounts of things, but here are a few things that Santa might bring Archie.

The Make Me Iconic wooden tram. I have wanted this for SO LONG but couldn't really justify getting it for myself. Now that I have a kid I can finally get it. It's not like Archie's going to be allowed to play with it, anyway. I used to catch one of the old W Class rattler trams along Latrobe St everyday and it made me feel like a tourist in Melbourne. The roof of this handcrafted tram comes off and there are little wooden people inside to play with. Awesome.

The Cat and Mouse Pull-Along by Lark Made. I love old-school wooden toys (and Archie seems to as well)  and this cute little cat riding a scooter would be rad for the little guy to play with.

Anything from Fable Baby. I first saw some of their stuff at a Melbourne design market and LOVE IT. I usually shy away from putting Archie in really babyish clothes, as he looked babyish for about two weeks before morphing into a tiny boy person, but these printed leggings and hand knitted jumpers are gorgeous.

This vest hoodie from Minti. That bear! The colour! The baby hand-shaped pockets! Gah.

xx

Archie at five months.

So, Archie is five months old today. I know I say this every month, but it has gone so terrifyingly fast. I remember when he was two weeks old and part of me was impatient for him to grow up and be more interactive and responsive. And now I miss when he was just a tiny little baby and would snuggle and nap all day.

He is growing so much! He can roll over on his own and holds his head up with no problem. He has completely lost his babyish looks and now looks like a real little boy. He has started to stand up with me holding him for balance, and is so strong! I have to wrestle to get him into the carseat as he stiffens his whole body and won't bend, so I poke him in the guts (or 'punch him in the breadbasket' as my brother said) so get him to fit into the seat.

His sleeping habits are pretty crap at the moment. He has about three or four 45 minute naps during the day. Occasionally he will sleep for an hour which is always exciting, but generally they are pretty short. On a good night, he goes to bed at 7pm he wakes up for a feed at about 11pm and 3am, then is up at 6am. Every morning I try to get him to sleep longer but he refuses. I think the morning light wakes him up, so I might investigate making his room darker. On a bad night, which happens about once a week, he is up every two hours throughout the night and won't settle at all. This kills me, as I get only  short snatches of sleep and am a nervous wreck by the morning. I know now why sleep deprivation is a form of torture!

We are planning on starting solid food this weekend. I have been waiting until he is definitely ready, as I didn't want to start too early but he is starting to open and close his mouth when I am eating something and to chew on anything he grabs, which are apparently signs of being ready for solids. And now that he can hold his head up better too, I think it is time. I'm kind of looking forward to it, because it will be fun seeing what he does with the food. I imagine that he will have a huge appetite, if his size and breastfeeding prowess is anything to go by.

I've been doing a bit of research and I've decided to start with pumpkin puree. Most babies start on rice cereal, but our health nurse said that you don't have to start with that necessarily; it's just that everyone has always done that so now that's the norm. And I figure that he has to eat pumpkin and other veggies eventually, so we may as well start with them. And the rice cereal has no real nutritional benefit. We don't have a high chair yet so will have to sit him in Lee's lap or something to start, until he can sit up on his own.

We had a barbecue on Saturday with some of Lee's furniture designer friends and their partners and kids. There were a four year old, a three-and-a-half year old and a two-and-a-half year old, all boys, plus an eight-month-old girl and Archer. It was really, really, really great seeing all the little boys playing together and their parents 'parenting in action'. Lee and I were talking afterwards about how it was like looking into the future and imagining our family of boys. It was good to get my head around the possibility of having two boys and realising that I could in fact be okay as a parent of just boys, as I had always imagined myself having a girl next, but seeing all the kids on Saturday made the prospect of having two gorgeous little boys seem awesome and fun and rowdy and messy and perfect.

Three months.

If you'd asked me a year ago to picture what life would be like now, my description would have been pretty far from the reality of right now. It is a year since I got pregnant and so much has changed in that time. I have been ripped open - literally and emotionally - and had my entire world turned upside down by a tiny (by tiny I mean huge) wriggly kidlet. Who ever thought that a little person who can't even control his own arms and who farts and burps like a tradesman would have such power over me! Before I had Archie, I told myself that I would always still be myself, make sure I had time for my own interests, would try bottle feeding so I can get some time away from the baby and would make time for Lee. Pffft. As if that has happened. Any time I get to myself I end up looking at photos of Archie on my phone and wondering what he is doing. My own interests involve doing design work while feeding him and sneaking in some sneaky crochet in the 20 minutes between Archie going to bed and me falling asleep on the couch. We tried expressing and bottle feeding so I could have a morning on my own, but I missed Archie so much that I came home after an hour. I miss him while he is asleep and sneak in to watch him snort and yabber in his sleep. He is really becoming a person now, instead of a little wiggly blob. He can clearly recognise faces and is quick to smile at anyone. We had a doctors appointment the other day and the doctor said, "Ooooh, he's a big flirt!" as he was grinning and batting his lashes at the receptionists and had them all wrapped around his little finger. Such a charmer! He can grab at the toys on his dangly activity mat thing. He has fallen in love with a lion toy called Ryan, and will lay down and chat to Ryan for ages.

His hair is growing longer, but he still has a little newborn tuft on top of his head. He looks like a chubbier version of Alfalfa from Little Rascals (blast from the past!). What a spunk.

I have been making more of an effort to get out a bit more, especially as the weather is getting nicer. I have made a few other mum friends which is so awesome, as this is such a full on experience that it is so reassuring to talk to other young mums who are in the same boat.

Some pics of the little monkey:

A day in the life.

I love reading about the minutiae of other people's lives- how often they change their sheets, what they eat for breakfast, what time they go to bed. And since becoming a mum and having a hell of a lot of time to ponder the minutiae of my own life, I wonder what all the other new stay-at-home mums are doing all day. Partially because I want to know that I'm not the only one who sometimes wears pyjamas until 4pm or possibly lets my son sit in his spewy onesie for longer than I should, and partially because I want to find a hot tip that will magically make everything a bit easier. Anyway, here is a rundown of a day in my life, in case you are interested. This is not really a typical day, but then I guess there isn't really a 'typical' day. He doesn't usually sleep as much as he did today, and we are usually out and about a bit more.

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5.30am - Lee's alarm goes off. I wake up in a total panic because Archie has SLEPT THROUGH since 8.30pm and I run into his room to make sure he is still breathing, then do a little happy dance when I realise he is okay and I have had EIGHT hours of sleep in a row. Please note that this is not at all a common occurrence so this probably isn't going to be the most typical of days. I think my excitement woke him up though, as he started squawking and waking up. I fed him for about 10 minutes then popped him back in bed.

6am - Lee leaves for work. I get back into bed and snooze whilst checking Facebook on my phone. My boobs are about to explode with milk as they aren't used to being full for this long so I basically lay in a puddle of leaking milk.

7.40am - Archie wakes up properly. I do a full feed and change him from a disposable nappy into a cloth one. He promptly does a massive spew over both of us. Change him again.

8am - I put Archie in his bouncer and being energised from having had so much sleep, I attempt to do the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD. This is the first time I have exercised (apart from walking) since Archie was born, and I nearly died. I actually have no muscles. Archie giggles and grins at his sweaty, red mum flailing around in pyjamas and runners.

9.20am - Archie goes back to bed. He whinges for about 5 mins then falls straight asleep. I shower and get dressed properly. Have some porridge with blueberries, a cup of peppermint tea and a bottle of water while emailing, reading blogs and paying bills. Lee calls and we chat about how good it feels to have slept. I consider cleaning the house a bit.

10.45am - Archie wakes up with a poonami in his nappy. I'm pretty sure he stores his biggest poos up until he is wearing a cloth nappy, just to make it that little big grosser. I change him, scrape and soak the nappy and feed him.

11.20am - Put Archie on the floor and run around tidying while talking to him and stopping for baby smooches every two minutes.

12.20pm - Put Archie back to bed. I clean the kitchen, mop the floor and do two loads of washing. Eat some leftover tortilla for lunch. Realise I have nothing to take to mum's group this afternoon so cut up some strawberries at the back of the fridge and put them in a nice container.

1.00pm - Archie wakes up. Change him into a disposable nappy and a cute outfit. Play with him on the floor for a while.

1.20pm - Get in the car and leave for mum's group just around the corner. Feel slightly guilty that we didn't walk there but plan on going to the supermarket afterwards anyway.

1.30pm - Mum's group. We talk about sleep and settling techniques. Good to hang out with other mums and their gorgeous bubs. I feed Archie and he falls straight asleep in the pram.

3.30 - Go to Aldi. I know I need stuff but can't remember what exactly, so just get a bunch of random groceries.

4pm - Arch wakes up just as we get home. Feed and change into a cloth nappy. We hang out on the floor for a bit. I fold washing and chat to him.

5.20pm - Archie back in bed. I dick around on the internet for a while and watch the news while crocheting.

6.15pm - Awake again. Change into a cloth nappy. So much sleeping today! This is definitely not a normal example of a day. We do some tummy time and play for a bit then feed. He is really fussy and cranky and doesn't want to eat, but then yells when I take him off the boob. Fun times.

7.30pm - Lee gets home. We cook salmon and steamed broccoli with a spinach, walnut, blue cheese and apple salad. Here's a pic:

8.00am - I give Archie a top up feed, then he has a shower with Lee. He seems to like the water splashing on him.

8.30pm - I change him into a onesie and a disposable nappy, then give him a kiss and cuddle and pop him into bed. He is pretty good at falling asleep on his own, but needs a tight swaddle, a dummy and white noise playing on the iPad to get him to drift off. Hopefully he will sleep all night again, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much.

9pm- Lee and I watch Go Back Where You Came From and eat dinner, then will go to bed at about ten. Fingers crossed he sleeps all night!